help me, please. I am preparating for the entrance exam.
The value of music in the happiness of man
Music is an important factor in making our life more happy. The first reason on which i would to focus is that music removes men's depression and fills us with gladness. When we feel sad, lonely or cheerful, happy... we often turn on music. Music also encourages us when we meet troubles. It reduces stress, pressure and raises us up so it makes us hard-working. Music is a convenient entertainment mean to relax. We can listen music anywhere and anytime, for example, on the bus, on wadering, at school... in all leisure time. Furthermore, music teaches us many lessons about the life. Through lyrics of the songs, they teach us right behaviours and attitudes, make us more sypathized. For instance, I love Michle Jackson's songs and they help me know protecting enviroment and using love to "heal the word". It is undeniable that music has capacity to make men happy so it contributes greatly to men's sucess in life.
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Corrections · 9
1
help me, please. I am preparating for the entrance exam.
The value of music in the happiness of manMusic is an important factor in making our
Thanks for your reading. [emoji]
Good article! Be careful when using the pronoun "man" or "men" unless you are talking specifically about a person/people who is/are male (like your brother or your father). Although it is technically correct (ex. "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"), this would not be used commonly in writing.
Other options:
- using the pronoun "one" as in: "One can find great happiness in listening to music". This is also quite formal language and would not be used very often, especially in the United States
- using the pronoun "we" or "us" referring to all humans including yourself ("We can find great happiness in listening to music.")
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help me, please. I am preparing for an entrance exam.
The value of music in the happiness of manMusic is an important factor for making our lives more happy. The first reason on which I want to focus on is that music removes one's depression and fills us with happiness. When we feel sad, lonely ,cheerful or happy... we often turn listen to music. Music also encourages us when we face troublesome times. It reduces stress, pressure and raises our spirits and so it makes us hard-working. Music is a convenient entertainment meant for relaxation. We can listen to music anywhere and anytime, for example, on the bus,while wandering, at school etc... and during leisure time. Furthermore, music teaches us many lessons about life. Through the lyrics of songs, they teach us right behavior and attitude, make us more sympathized. For instance, I love Michael Jackson's songs and they teach me to protect the environment and using love to "heal the word". It is undeniable that music has capacity to make men happy so it contributes greatly to a man's success in life.
Thanks for your reading. [emoji]
0
The Value of Music in the Happiness of Man [always capitalize the first letters of important words in titles]
Music is an important factor in making our lives happier. First, music fights against depression and fills us with joy. Whether we feel sad and lonely or cheerful and happy, we often turn to music. It encourages us when we face obstacles by reducing stress and pressure and raising our spirits. Second, Music is a convenient means of entertainment and relaxation. We can listen to music any time and anywhere: on the bus, at school, or even wandering around. Finally, Music teaches us many lessons about Life. Through song lyrics, we can become more sympathetic, learning better behaviours and attitudes. For instance, I love Michael Jackson's songs; they help me remember to protect the environment and use Love to "heal the world". It is undeniable that Music contributes greatly to success in Life and has an incredible capacity to make us happy.
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Common English Phrase: "Quality of Life"
When something affects whether your life is happy or not, we often say this affects the "quality of life." Your first sentence is not wrong, but could sound stronger to say something like: "Music is a important factor in improving our quality of life." Or you could turn happy into a noun: "Music is an important factor to increase happiness in life."
Parting Thoughts:
* Life can start with an "L" or an "l." "Life" means the entire idea of living, usually living happily and successfully. On the other hand, "life" usually talks about if a person is alive or not; it usually needs other words with it: my life, our lives, the dog's life, a life well-lived, etc. Similarly, the word "music" can be written as "Music" if you mean the idea of music, not just the sounds you hear (e.g. "John heard music in the park.")
* adjectives that end in -y such as angry, happy, heavy, crazy, etc. almost always use -er instead of more: angrier, happier, heavier, crazier.
* I recommend avoiding ellipses (...). It's very advanced grammar and easy to misuse. When you are more confident with your language, you can research how to use it correctly.
* I suggested using First, Second, and Finally in your writing. "Furthermore" wasn't incorrect, but "Finally" fits better when making a list.
I enjoyed your writing (as an English speaker and as a music lover). Keep up the good work!
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