Which one is better?
The Chinese New Year is coming, all the express company will be close during the festival. So I need to write a NOTE for my amazon handmade store. The first paragraph is written by me, the second is written by my friend, which one is better? My friend tell me my English is too stiff, and can any one tell me, if i say "you can order any item on my shop during the time", is it very rude and not polite？
The Chinese New Year 2016 will start on Feb 7. Because all the express company will be closed during the festival, all the orders on my store from 2 to 13 February will be delayed, they will be shipped on Feb 14. I am very sorry for that and I'll send you a spring festival gift as a reward. The spring is coming, happy spring festival!
Welcome to our *** store. Our Chinese New Year holiday is from February 7. to Feb. 13 and the express out of business or holiday during this time. So your order will be delayed to send. However, if you make orders during the Chinese New Year holiday in our store, we will sent a little gift to you as a reward. We will send all orders to our customers on Feb 14. Thanks for your understanding and supporting.
The picture is my Monkey money, for Chinese New Year 2016 as hongbao.
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Corrections · 4
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Which one is better?
The Chinese New Year is coming, all the express company will be close during the festival. So I need to write a NOTE for my amazon handmade store. The first paragraph is written by me, the second is written by my friend, which one is better? My friend tell me my English is too stiff, and can any one tell me, if i say "you can order any item on my shop during the time", is it very rude and not polite?[ First, let me interject by saying that your statement does not sound more rude. Both statements sound perfectly business-like and appropriate. Perhaps your friend thinks the little welcome at the beginning and thank-you at the end make theirs sound more friendly, but I don't really feel that when I read them both. I actually think that if you chose to ignore my corrections, your statement (as it is right now) is actually more thorough and a little more clear than your friend's. ]
The Chinese New Year in 2016 will start on February 7th. Because all the express company* will be closed during the festival, all the orders between February 2nd and February 13th will be delayed. Delayed orders will be shipped on February 14th. We are very sorry for this inconvenience and will include you a special Spring Festival gift in all delayed orders. Spring is coming -- Happy Spring Festival!
* [ I mark this only because I don't understand what "the express company" means in this context. I'm sure there is a better way of saying this, but it depends on your exact intent. Maybe using "Because our company will be closed" fits what you need? ]
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Here is my full suggestion without marks based on your statement:
The Chinese New Year in 2016 will start on February 7th. Because our company will be closed during the festival, all orders between February 2nd and February 13th will be delayed. Delayed orders will be shipped on February 14th. We are very sorry for this inconvenience and will include a special Spring Festival gift in all delayed orders. Spring is coming -- Happy Spring Festival!
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Both actually have quite a few issues, so I'll try to make every correction I can see.
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