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Stories in my journey... I have graduated from my university. In my country, at my age, many people choose for themselves the works to start their careers. Working as employee is the selection of a large number of people and even majority. Others who luckily have better conditions, better chances will kick start by many other ways. However, I have another choice. I find that I spent too much time to study at university which my parents want. Now, when I have just finished it, I don't like getting a headache in the office with a boring work. So, what I have choose is traveling. Like other people, I travel to discover the life in places far from where I'm living. I really want to escape to this busy and noisy capital. Because of financial reason, I haven't go abroad yet, but It's not a big problem. There are so many things in my country interested me. In the first journey, I went to a South Western mountainous of my country. The scenes are very awesome and picturesque. It is considered as the area where there are the most natural resources. Nevertheless, what making me quiet sad is the life there is under standard. I don't mean that they poor because I saw many big and nice wooden house and a lot of expensive motorbike. However, Schools are not enough for children to go to and even they have to walk through some hills to go to school. Roads are rough, dirty on the sunny days and slippy on the rainy ones. There is no electricity in remote villages. The lower infrastructure there is, the more difficult the life is. As a result, It pulls down the living standard of people. It's the first time I have seen at sight the life of people in the mountainous areas. After that, I made a decision to do something to help them. Although I can't change their life immediately, I joined in the organization which have done many projects steps by steps removing difficulties. I think it will be helpful. A journey is a lesson for my life. There is a fact that it's really difficult for me to describe emotions in English. So sad about it :(

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Story of my journey...

In my country, after graduation from colleges, people usually look for employment. Others who luckily have better conditions, better chances will kick start by many other ways.

However, I have another choice. I realize that I've spent too much time at college to please my parents. Now, when I have finished it, I don't like getting a headache in the office with boring work. So I choose traveling. I travel to discover the life in faraway places. I really want to escape this hustle and bustle city. Because of financial reason, now I couldn't go abroad, but that's no big problem. There are so many things in my country that interest me.

In my first journey, I visited a mountain to the South-Western of my country. The scenes were awesome and picturesque. It was considered the resource-abundant area in my country. 

Nevertheless, the living standards in the area were poor, which saddened me. I'm not saying that they were impoverished-- I saw many a nice and big wooden houses and a lot of expensive motorbikes. However, there weren't adequate schools for students so some children might have to walk through hills to go to school. Roads are bumpy. They got dirty on sunny days and slippery when it rained. There was no electricity in remote villages. The poorer life amenities were, the more difficult life gets. That's why I said earlier that they have poor life standards.

It's the first time I've witnessed people's life in the mountainous area. After the experience, I decide to do something to help them. I've joined an organization which have done many projects to remove difficulties. I know I can't change their life immediately, but this is the least bit of help I can offer.

It's nice to reflect that each journey is a lesson of my life.

 

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Since I couldn't point out every error there is, I think it's helpful to rewrite your article and let you do the comparison :D

There is a fact that it's really difficult for me to describe emotions in English. So sad about it :(

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Many thanks!
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You've done a really good job!

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