Achaeminid Empire under Darius I

The Persian empire of the Achaemenian dynasty reached its zenith under Darius I, one of the most preeminent sovereigns of the ancient Orient.
With the conquest of Egypt by Kambyses II, the Achaemenid empire completed the unification of the ancient Oriental world. But he met a premature death during an expedition and diverse tasks a wide range of responsibilities fell on the shoulders (this idiom has a narrow range of collocations, usually to do with responsibility/duty. "Tasks" sounds slightly unnatural.) of his successor, Darius I.
Although he signalized distinguished himself in arms also war as well, the bent of his genius was more for administration and government than war. He introduced many systems that still benefits us now. For example, he parceled out his domain into several provinces that were administered by a governor named Satrap, constructed an elaborate and orderly highway system with a portal system (?), reorganized the law, stroke minted coins that circulated in the whole territory of the empire, consummated the construction of a canal which interconnected the Red Sea and the Nile. Although not all of them were not Darius' invention ideas, he judiciously used them and laid the secure foundation of the prosperity which continued long after his demise. Indeed, the most remarkable feat of the Achaemenian empire is that many regions that had formerly had belonged to a different cultural area were united both culturally and economically and enjoyed safety and stability under its sovereignty. Of course, this unification does not mean that the empire eradicated local peculiarities. The Achaemenid empire is often judged unfairly as a mere autocratic state by modern people who are illuded deluded by a fancy of democracy that dictatorship is always evil and all humans should have a certain rights. Now that, however, we has have been at an impasse for a long time in the illusion, it would be a constructive proposition to reassess the traits of Achaemenian empire from a more impartial viempoint.

This is really amazing - despite a handful of small mistakes, your writing style is incredibly fluid. I think a lot of native speakers would be unable to write this eloquently (no exaggeration!). Really well done!

Achaeminid Empire under Darius I

The Persian empire of the Achaemenian dynasty reached its zenith under Darius I, one of the most preeminent sovereigns of the Ancient Orient.

With the conquest of Egypt by Kambyses II, the Achaemenid empire completed the unification of the Ancient Orient world. But he met a premature death during an expedition and diverse tasks fell on the shoulders of his successor, Darius I.

Although he signalized himself in arms also, the bent of his genius was more for administration and government than war. He introduced many systems that still benefit us now. For example, he parceled out his domain into several provinces that were administered by a governor named satrap, constructed an elaborate and orderly highway system with a portal system, reorganized the law, minted coins that circulated in the whole territory of the empire, executed the construction of a canal which interconnected the Red Sea and the Nile. Although all of them were not Darius' invention, he judiciously used them and laid the secure foundation of the prosperity which continued long after his demise.

Indeed, the most remarkable feat of the Achaemenian empire is that many regions that formerly had belonged to a different cultural area were united both culturally and economically and enjoyed safety and stability under its sovereignty. Of course, this unification does not mean that the empire eradicated local peculiarities. The Achaemenid empire is often judged unfairly as a mere autocratic state by modern people who are illuded by a fancy of democracy that dictatorship is always evil and all humans should have certain rights. Now that, however, we have been at an impasse for a long time in our illusion, it would be a constructive proposition to reassess the traits of the Achaemenian empire from a more impartial viewpoint.

Well written!