Retelling stories  is a great way to improve English writing =] Keep it up!

You might want to use PAST TENSE to write the whole writing, because the story was told in PAST TENSE.

Actions of the story are happening happened in a small restaurant where two waiters calling called Aileen and Tildy work there. Aileen is was slim, tall and beautiful. And Tildy is was small, fat and not beautiful.
Men visit this restaurant mainly. They like looking at Aileen for this reason they are ready to wait their meal long time. Some men give gave a present to Aileen. One, and some gave a gold ring and one gave a puppy.
One day Mr. Seeders came in restaurant and drank a lot of beer. When he went out he put his arm round Tildy and kissed her. Then he went out. After Mr. Seeders went out she ran into the kitchen and told that the man had put his arm round and kissed her  Aileen what the man did to her. She was so happy. She began became beautiful, desirable and beloved woman. Aileen said to her sportively(I don't get your meaning), “You are bad girl. I must follow for after you. Else you will lead take away all my men”.
After 3 days Mr. Seeders came in into the restaurant and apologized for his behavior. Tildy began to cry. She wasn’t a beautiful, desirable and beloved woman anymore more. But Aileen said to her, “Don’t be upset. He isn’t man. Real man doesn’t say sorry”(If you use a quotation, you need to use the exact wording. That is "Don’t be unhappy...... A real man never says sorry!.

Grammatical mistakes

Better wording

Logical error

I'm sorry I made a mistake in my last correction. It should be: