vanessa's notebook entry: Jun 14, 2010
I watched a movie named The Cove justnow,which gave me a very great shock.So surprised! So angry！and so moved!
The main idea of the movie show that :Japanese 太地町, is a scene of small fishing village, but it was dark and inhuman on the scene. Every year, tens of thousands of dolphins were driven by fishermen in there. The slaughter. these crimes which were held back by government and relevant associations,because of the various benefit .
I don't know what kind of adjective can't describe my felling accurately.I just cried.Just heartfelt to cry.Diving champion in canada, mandyrae - cruickshank in the inside and dolphins free diving, is pleasured and happied.Especially,when she wasdescribed what her seen in 太地町 in tears :a cornered dolphins in its death-bed struggle, before their fishing nets as a sea, leaving behind a cloud of red blood, when it was unable to struggle for a moment later .It leaped up the water, and forever. She sank to the strong contrast, and I have been tears.
In the underwater camera back to the image of the water in the meantime ,while the fishermen began to kill the dolphins, suddenly their blood spreading out. the blue sea have brought red! My gosh! what really Japenese have done !
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Corrections · 1
1
Too long for this little box. Overall you write well. You are having trouble connecting the thoughts. You express yourself very well, but the thoughts come in phrases. You need to learn how to connect them into fluent expressions that take us from the introduction of the what you want to impart, then through the body of your subject in a flow of ideas, instead of phrase, phrase, phrase.
Pay attention to puncuation. maybeyoucanseethatit,simportant% Understand? Make the job of reading at the other end of your writing easy for these old eyes.
Well done, Vanessa, keep up your excellent progress. You are a serious student; it will come back to you a thousand times.
*************
vanessa's notebook entry: Jun 14, 2010
The main idea of the movie show that :Japanese 太地町, is a scene of small fishing village, but it was dark and inhuman on the scene. Every year, tens of thousands of dolphins were driven by fishermen in there. The slaughter. these crimes which were held back by government and relevant associations,because of the various benefit .
I don't know what kind of adjective can't describe my felling accurately.I just cried.Just heartfelt to cry.Diving champion in canada, mandyrae - cruickshank in the inside and dolphins free diving, is pleasured and happied.Especially,when she wasdescribed what her seen in 太地町 in tears :a cornered dolphins in its death-bed struggle, before their fishing nets as a sea, leaving behind a cloud of red blood, when it was unable to struggle for a moment later .It leaped up the water, and forever. She sank to the strong contrast, and I have been tears.
In the underwater camera back to the image of the water in the meantime ,while the fishermen began to kill the dolphins, suddenly their blood spreading out. the blue sea have brought red! My gosh! what really Japenese have done !
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