私のともだち2

This paragraph doesn't flow very well... but oh well x_x

ベサニーさんのたんじょうびは七月四日です。今二十四さいです。ことし私はアニメエキスポにベサニーさんをつれていきました。とてもたのしかったです、でもたかかったです。いっしょにらいねんも行きます。ベサニーさんのいえはコルトンにあります。ちいさいいぬがいます。なまえはジェロです。ジェロはやさしくないです。でもジェロはベサニーさんがだいすきです。

Bethany's birthday is on July 4th. She is now 24 years old. This year I brought Bethany to Anime Expo. It was a lot of fun, but it was expensive. We are going to go together next year as well. Bethany's house is in Colton. She has a small dog named Jello. Jello isn't nice, but she loves Bethany.

Your writing is almost perfect. Just keep it up! By the way, さん is kind of a polite title, so it might be more natural to leave it out and say just ベサニー.