An IELTS essay practice

The issue of children's health problems are always draw people's attention. children spend more and more their time on watching TV these years  days than before. Also they do not do anything creative in their activities anymore. lack of active or creating things. In this essay, I intend will to explore the sources of this problem along with some possible solution to it.

Chief among the causes of this problem is children have less self-control ability. It means they can not persuade themselves to stop doing what they are interested in. In addition to this, the technique development so fast recent year (i don't know what you want to say here), there are more and more temptationsing things for children, such as computer games and internet on the smartphone. So children do more these that spend less time on active creative.

In order to overcome this problem, I believe it is important for the parents to control their children to spend less time on watching TV or playing games and other this sort of similar things. It is also important for the parents to tell their children clearly what they should not do in their life and do some appropriate little punish to their children when they don't do as they're told are not carry out. Another positive step would be to encourage children to do more active and creative activities, and tell them it is for their own goodwas good for themselves.



My grammar is poor. Please help me to correct it! And make the sentence authenticity. Thank you so much!