IELTS Writing Sample #164

IELTS Writing Sample #164
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.

Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

Write at least 250 words

Mauro

Athletes, play a very important role in our society, as their imagies are all over TV, papers, and advertising posters. Moreover their importance has grown enormously, in the last decade reaching singers and actors.

Some think that sportsmen represent a good role model for young people as they have to focus intensely on their careers, work hard and keep control of high levels of stress. From this point of view they are a good example of complete dedication to work, and this kind of attitude is extriemely helpful both in school and in job careers.

Others think that, like actors and singers, sportsmen give always also provide the same kind of bad examples; some of them spend lots of money for silly purposes, such as expencsive cars, dresses, or fancy alcoholic drinks in some exclusive nightclubs. Personally I think that in every category we choose to devidecategorise people, it is possible to find good and bad models, and we shouldn’t think of people as theytheir behavior is the concequence of the job they do.

In conclusion, I believe the responsibility for good and bad examples of role models should be addressed to the media, as they have the decisional power to decide on what to show and what not to show, and even morealso they are the ones thatwho chose who will be the next generation of “stars”. UnfortunetlyUnfortunately, most of the time their choices aren’t are not allways the best.

233 world

I would like not only receive corrections, but if it possible an evaluation of this piece of writing, so that I can get an idea of my score band in IELTS writing task two. For this reason I left the original spelling mistakes that I did when I wrote it the first time on a piece of paper.

Tanks for the help to all the community of Italki.

Mauro

Hi Mauro,

I do not know what the score band for IELTS is based on, so am just basing my corrections and evaluation of your writing on my own knowledge of english. In general, your writing is very good, apart from some spelling errors. In terms of writing style, you use expressions quite well. A couple of points in english: when you use generalised expressions, it is not necessary to use "some" in front of the subject, just pluralise the subject, e.g. use "fancy drinks in nightclubs" instead of "fancy drink in some nightclub". While the grammar is correct, the first option sounds better.

Well done. I hope my ability to write italian matches your current ability to write english!

Cheers,

Andrew