Hey Layla, here are some suggestions:

ELTS WRITING TASK 2

The major cities in the world are growing fast as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to those problems.

It is seen around the world that the major cities are growing fast with some problems. This trend can have a profound impact on society.  (how? This feels a bit general. Can we tie it in to the body paragraphs; e.g., "This trend can have a profound impact on people's careers and health").

There are more and more young people living in cities now, which can contribute to their career development. In general, it is easier for young people to search for a good job because big cities offer a variety of jobs. And People may able to catch ("take advantage of" or "use") this opportunity to develop their careers further. Meanwhile, They also earn a higher pay in big cities instead of rural places. However, some problems along with this trend need to be concerned ("considered"). For example, the old generations at home cannot get as good care as because their children are working in a big city, which is really far from their home. Besides Also, the mental problems like loneliness, (no comma) and helpless(parallel structure; you need this to be a noun) are also a big threat from for the old generation (you already used "generation"; can you change it? Also, you need to explain why).

I think there are a few measures to keep the problems under control. First of all, it is necessary for governments to fulfill ("fulfill" means to carry out or finish; this doesn't feel like the right word) the medical system, so in this way old people can receive a good medical care when they are suffering the health problems.(how can governments do this?) In addition, the local community can organize some interesting activities regularly, which means that the old can always have something to do (no comma)and they won’t feel too lonely. Also, psychological services are also essential to every community. (why?)

Overall, young people living in big cities are facing some problems. But we do encourage them to visit their parents frequently, and give them care as much care as possible.

thanks for sharing,

-geoff