A young couple humiliated on the subway

This is what happened on the subway On Saturday, when I stepped into the subway, I saw a couple hugging each other. They seemed to be talking to each other quietly, staring at one another in the into eat other's eyes. Then, suddenly, a voice exclaimed, "What the hell are you doing? This is a public place!" It was an old woman sitting across from them. Her scolding went on for a little while. I didn't know how long they were hugging and how icky it was because I hadn't been there all along. I felt pity for them because they looked completely embarrassed, and even insulted. They released their hug, and stood apart. The whole situation got me thinking if it was right for the old woman to tell the couple what to do, and if this kind of thing happens in other countries too.

General Notes:

--The opening statement does not need to explain that you are going to explain. Since the following statement is already explaining that something happened, you could either:

1. Begin with a more generic statement: "Something happened on the subway on Saturday."

2. Use a colon, as you intended to directly follow with an explanation: "This happened on the subway on Saturday: I saw a couple hugging..."

3. Or, combine partially the statements like I have corrected above, to establish the time, place, and what occurred in the same sentence.

--"Staring into each other's eyes" is a common phrase, as others have pointed out. There are other, similar ways to put it, but not need to get complicated.

--"...old woman sitting across them." Needed a bit more established with regards to location. She wasn't literally sitting on top of them (laid across), but instead was across the center of the train in opposite seats. "Across from..." establishes a divide and opposing location.

--"They released their hugging..." Is better worded as "released their hug (or 'embrace'; a singular action)," otherwise "stopped (verb) hugging (subject)" is just as appropriate and is more universal.

A young couple humiliated on the subway

This is what happened on the subway on Saturday. When I stepped into the subway, I saw a couple hugging each other. They seemed to be talking to each other quietly, staring at one another in the into each other's eyes. Then, suddenly, a voice exclaimed, "What the hell are you doing? This is a public place!" It was an old woman sitting across from them. Her scolding went on for a little while. I didn't know how long they were hugging and or how icky inappropriate it was because I hadn't been there all along the whole time. But I felt pity for them because they looked completely embarrassed, and even insulted. They released their hugging each other, and stood apart. The whole situation got me thinking if it was right for the old woman to tell the couple what to do, and if this kind of things happens in other countries too.

overall really great :) I think it was a little bit out of line for the old lady to yell at the couple, but I guess for some more old-fashioned people, hugging in public seems inappropriate. I for one do not think so, and the couple seems really cute.  

This is what happened on the subway on Saturday. When I stepped into the subway, I saw a couple hugging each other. They seemed to be talking to each other quietly and staring at one another into the each other's eyes. Then, suddenly, a voice exclaimed, "What the hell are you doing? This is a public place!" It was an old woman sitting across them. Her scolding went on for a little while. I didn't know how long they were hugging and how icky it was because I hadn't been there all along. I felt pity for them because they looked completely extremely embarrassed, and even insulted. They released their stopped hugging, and stood apart. The whole situation got me to thinking if it was right for the old woman to tell the couple what to do, and if this kind of thing happen in other countries too.

Notes:

"staring into each other's eyes" is a very common expression

"icky" is a very childish word, and it doesn't really fit with the tone of the rest of the story.  You could write: "obscene, lewd, cloying, risque, prurient, etc."

In english, you rarely use "completely" to mean "extremely", but I hear it in korean sometimes.  I think it is just a grammatical difference between the languages.

Release cannot be used with a verb. You could say, "they released each other".

A young couple humiliated on the subway

  This is what happened on the subway on Saturday. When I stepped into the subway, I saw a couple hugging for each other. They seemed to be talking to each other quietly, staring at one another at his eyes. Then, suddenly, a voice exclaimed, "What the hell are you doing? This is a public place!" It was an old woman sitting across them. Her scolding went on for a little while. I didn't know how long they were hugging and how icky it was because I hadn't been there for along. I felt pity for them because they looked completely embarrassed, and even insulted. They released their hugging, and stood apart. The whole situation got me thinking if it was right for the old woman to tell the couple what to do, and if this kind of things happen in other countries too.