Describe a person that I admire

 

The person (that) I admire most is Ludwig Van Beethoven. First of all, He was a productive musician that during his fifty-seven years of life, composed more than one hundred music works came into being including some world-class pieces works suchlike as the Moonlight Sonata Song. In addition, though Later in his life, he suffered from poverty and lost the his sense of hearing; however, he never yielded to disasters, but instead strove for hope and spared no efforts in realizing his dream. Above all, from his works, we learn that our human being we should do whatever we can (do) to make a world full of liberty, equality and fraternity no matter how difficult it is.



Notes

"First of all", "In addition" etc don't always need to be put in an essay. They are usually used to prove a point, emphasize different points of view, etc... I feel they don't fit so much in your essay based on the way you wrote it. You could say something like "First of all, I admire him as a productive musician because of all of the works he wrote in just fifty-seven years of his life. In addition, I admire that despite the fact that he suffered from poverty and hearing loss he was still able to work hard and realize his dream... This will make them fit better into the essay. 

Came into being

If you want to use this phrase you could say "It was during the fifty-seven years of his life that more than one hundred works came into being." 

The

Be careful about your use of article "the". When referring to body parts of an individual we won't use "the". For example, we don't say "Johnny lost hearing in the ear" or "Casey broke the leg." Instead we will say, "Johnny lost hearing in his ear" and "Casey broke her leg." 

Sonata/Song

Song sounds a bit too elementary for works done by Beethoven. You don't usually want to say "I like that one song by Beethoven." It's gramatically correct, but sounds off because of the type of music he is known for. Usually you will hear: I like music composed by Beethoven.

Describe a person that I admire

The person I admire most is Ludwig Van Beethoven. First of all, he is was a very productive prodigious musician. that During his fifty-seven years of life, he brought more than one hundred musical works came into being including some world-class works suchlike as the Moonlight Song. In addition, though later in his life, he suffered from poverty and lost the his sense of hearing;, he never yielded to disasters but stove strove for hope and spared no efforts in realizing his dreams. Above all, from his works, we learn that our human being we should do whatever we can do to make a world full of liberty, equality and fraternity no matter how difficult it is.