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My English poem ;) Afraid that it might not be so natural. Hoping for correction. Leaning on the terrace Feel the world in silence The coldness makes loneliness The lonely feelings make the cold felt in depth A train of thoughts can't be cut A pain of parting drained out A chaos of memories are littered upmixture of feelings deep down in my heart.

Corrections · 2

1

My English poem ;) Afraid that it might not be so natural. Hoping for correction.

Leaning on the terrace
Feeling the world in silence
The coldness makes loneliness [I would replace "makes with something like "brings forth"]
The lonely feelings make the cold felt in depth deep inside 

A train of thoughts that can't be cut
A pain of parting all drained out [I only added the word "all" here so that it rhythmically matches]
A chaos of memories are littered upmixture of feelings deep down in my heart.

 

The last line needs a little work: try, "A chaotic mixture of memories and feelings deep down in my heart." Or something like that.

 

Truly wonderful poem! Rather melancholy, a real chilly feeling, which is what I think you were going for.

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