As soon as possible
 

This is the first writing I have done in this website.I want to express some words about myself.
Actually I have a dream, it is* to be an independent girl.I do not want to use my parents' money.It does not mean that I hate them. It's cherish.
As time goes by, I understand how difficult working in this society is.** Although I am still a student,I want to have a stable job that is enough to take care of my parents as soon as possible. Maybe some of you can share your experiences with me. At least, I can talk with others without just thinking whole the day by myself spending the whole day thinking by myself.
Maybe this essay is not funny at all. I wish I can have many replies so that we can to discuss together. If we have other issues, it's gonna be better for me.

Thanks for your attention.***

* The sentence is okay even without the "it is", especially if you want to sound more poetic. But if you don't want to keep the "it is" I suggest you use a " : "

**Sentence can be rephrased to: I understand how difficult it is to work in this society.

***Good job! Minimal errors and great composition
 

As soon as possible

This is the first writing I have done in this website.I want to express some words about myself.
Actually I have a dream, to be an independent girl.I do not want to use my parents' money.It does not mean I hate them.It's cherish.
As time goes by, I understand how difficult it is working in this society.Although I am still a student,I want to have a stable job that is enough to take care of my parents as soon as possible.Maybe some of you can share your experiences with me.At least,I can talk with others without just thinking by myself the whole day.
Maybe this essay is not funny at all.I wish I can have many replies to discuss together.If we have other issues, its going to be better for me.

Thanks for your attention.