To: All staff 

Subject: Meal Card Issue

Dear Staff,

In order to improve the efficiency of our company's daily management., [1] a meal card with and a handbook will be issued to all staff.

From December 1st, a meal card needs using to be used in all canteens and snack bars. Please come to the HR Department to get your meal card on November 20th.

Thank you all for your attention. 

[2]

Spencer

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[1] Because you have twice made an error with the phrase "in order to", I'd like to explain.  This phrase is used to connect two related phrases—it cannot be used with a single phrase.  Please consider the following examples:

"In order to improve your fluency, you must practice English every day."

"You must practice English every day in order to improve your fluency."

Above, there are two distinct phrases: "improve your fluency" (why), and "practice English every day" (how).  The phrase "in order to" is used to show the relationship between the 'why' and 'how' phrases.

So, if you start a sentence with "In order to", you must remember to include the 'how' phrase within the same sentence.

[2] You need a "sign off", such as 'Regards' or 'Thanks'.  This is quite important, so if you've hit your word limit, try removing a word somewhere else.  For example, you can remove the word 'all' from "Thank you all for your attention," and simply write, "Thank you for your attention."

[3] If you sit an exam, be sure to read the question carefully.  If you can, underline the key words.  For example:

=telling staff why meal cards are needed
=explaining how meal cards are used
=telling staff how to get their meal cards.

Your email does not explain 'how' the meal cards are used.  Rather, you described 'where' the meal cards are used ("a meal card needs to be used in all canteens and snack bars").  As an example of addressing the 'how' requirement:

"Meal cards work like debit cards.  You add money using the machine in the canteen, and pay for meals by presenting your card to the cashier."

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Even though I've added a few comments, you did a good job with this exercise.  Well done.

Practice 3-Meal Card Issue

You are the manager of a company. You company will issue meal cards to all staff.
Write a letter to all staff:
=telling staff why meal cards are needed
=explaining how meal cards are used
=telling staff how to get their meal cards.
Write 40-50 words.

Here is my answer:

To:All staff
Subject:Meal Card Issue

Dear Staff,

In order to improve the efficiency of our company's daily management. A meal card with a handbook will be issued to all staff.

Beginning December 1st, a meal card needs to be used in all canteens and snack bars. Please come to the HR Department to get your meal card on November 20th.

Thank you all for your attention

Spencer