English homework (Make a tv commercial)(presentation of a new goods)

A great number of people are busy working or studying everyday. They work from morning to evening, and after they come back home, they have little free time. Besides In the students' case, they have to do their homework. I think that such people desire to spend their free time more  have more free time. So, we introduce you to a good solution. This is the magical pillow which is able to resolve your worries. If you use this pillow, the amount of time which you have to spend will be increaseing dramatically.

First, we look at a certain typical high school student's every day. (certain is one specific person, while typical is one random person)

 
Before an exam, most students are busy studying for their exams. Some student put a lot of energy-drinks on their desk,and stay up all night to study for the exam. Whit With these results...

A“Oh,man! Im sleepy and pretty ill !! Im spacing out...”
B“I recommend such you use ing this pillow!”
A“Whats that? Pillow?”
B“Yes! This is a magical pillow! If you use this pillow,you can sleep as long as you want whithout concern about for time.”
A“Why don't you/I need to worry about time?”
B“Because this magical pillow can stop time while you sleep. So,after you sleep well,the time doesn't won't change before time from when you started sleeping.
A“I think such a fantastic pillow will be able to harm for harmful to my health.”
B“Don't worry! This pillow doesn't have some any side effects. So everyone people can use it!”
A“Wow! That's great!”

If you have this magical pillow,you can spend full time in a all the hours of a day.What is more,you can will receive a portable pillow for free if you buy this magical pillow this time right now! Please hurry to make your purchase!

Good job,  I'd love one of those pillows!

Red = Correction ; Blue = Suggestion to sound more natural