Good job! It's a good piece.. You covered the essay elements correctly but I think you should put more effort on the conclusion.. You should summarize all the main points in a conclusion... 

Should Universities Be Free to All?

Many people think that universities should be free for everyone. However, it is ( I prefer in my opinion) my opinion that it is better to charge the students for the cost of their studies. I think that the student who pays for his studies would be a better student. Moreover, poor students can find the way to gain/save up the money they need for their studies (you used "studies" so many times in one paragraph.. you can use the word "education"). Finally, the country can only finance good students and not everybody.

First, I think that whoever  pays for something enjoys it more. A student who pays a lot of money will study harder and will not waste his time. Researches have found that high school students who pay for private classes invest more efforts than students who get those classes for free. I think that this policy will decrease the level of the universities. ?????

Second, people that want to study at a university (you could say: get a university degree) but do not have enough money, will find a way to get that money. For example, they can borrow the money from banks and bring it back afterwards. In my opinion, this problem will not prevent a student who really wants to study in the university from doing so.

Third, I think that the government can support only poor students with good grades instead of supporting everyone. This policy will encourage only good students to join a university (better ;)). The government will save large amount (a large amount or large amountS) of money which can be invested in more important goals.

In conclusion, I think that the disadvantages of this program are greater than the advantages. In my opinion the government should support only good students.



(It is just exercise, not my real opinion :) )