mMy favorite advertisement

Well, I’d like to talk about an advertisement whose maker is Extra White - a famous manufacturer of chewing gum in China.

About five years ago I saw the TV commercial by accident, but I was totally absorbed attracted by it when I first saw it. It tells a short but romantic story that about a young beautiful young girl who has long black hair and how she goes to a store and to buys some snacks. When Whilst paying, the girl glances at the gum shelf that is at hand, you know such a shelf is always placed near the checkout counter, but she seems uncertain because there are various kinds of gum on the shelf.

The cashier, who is a shy boy, notices her hesitation, so he picks one and hands it to the girl with a smile saying that “this one is good for to your teeth”. During At the that moment, the girl is getting a little shy as well, but she and says thanks to him. When Whilst the boy is checking the money, the girl quickly picks another one from the shelf quickly and softly puts it on the cashier's counter softly. Then the girl turns and goes towards the door. Suddenly, the boy notices the gum that is on the casher the counter and immediately shouts that “your Extra White!”. He thinks that the left gum is the girl’s, which she has is just forgotten by her. Surprisingly, the girl turns round, and smiles and says that “it’s your Extra White”.

This TV commercial really impressed me a lot. I guess one reason is its original and romantic plot; however, the key point is that the advertisement girl is Guo Biting, who is one of my favorite actresses. So, I guess you can understand my feelings for this to the advert.

Excellent. Most of these corrections aren't even really corrections, I just think they they read slightly better. So I'll explain what I've done now:

-Pay attention to where I have fiddles with commas in this - I think what I have written reads more smoothly, but this is a matter of personal opinion

-You can say a famous chewing gum manufacturer which I think sounds more natural

-A cashier is someone who works at the counter in a shop

-Remember that when the next clause of a sentence is going to explain or give more detail about the previous clause(s) then you should use a hypthen "-" or a colon ":"

-You don't really get totally attracted to something. You can be really attracted - although that's more a feeling for living objects - or totally absored - which I think reads better here

-You don't need the phrase when I first saw it, but it is correct. Although, personally, I'd take it out

-Stories are about things in English

-The word when refers to a specific moment in time, whereas whilst (British) and while (American) refer to a duration in the past

-Writing beautiful young sounds better than young beautiful. If you would like to use the latter then you should write young and beautiful.

-Things can be both good to ___ and good for ___. However, people are usually good to other people and things are usually good for other things

-The phrase at the moment is almost an exact synonym for now and doens't fit here. During that moment is better

-Be careful with where you place your adverbs - you seem to have tried to use some sort of complex sentence structure here, but it doens't sound great. Sometimes it's best to stick to simplicity

-When people shout you should almost always (for the sake of avoiding an argument let's say always) use an exclamation mark at the end of the sentence

-We can use italics in English to emphasise a certain word in a sentence - and often speech. When we do this we raise the tone of our voice and say it slightly louder. I can't really explain it better than that - "It's not my book, it's hers"

-I would write either it really impressed me or it impresed me a lot - I think that using both is overkill

-In proper writing use either advert or advertisement

my favorite advertisement  

whose makeWell  Better to take well out. I’d like to talk about an advertisement whose makeisr made by Extra White, a famous manufacturer of chewing gum in China. 

About five years ago, I saw the TV commercial by accident, but I was totally attracted by to it when I first saw it. It tells a short but romantic story that about how a young beautiful girl who has long black hair, goes to a store and buys some snacks. When paying, the girl glances at the gum shelf .that is at hand, As you know, such shelves are   isalways placed near the checkout counter, but she seems uncertain about which brand of gum to choose because there are various kinds of gum on the shelf. 

The casher who is a shy boy notices her hesitation, so he picks one up and hands it to the girl with a smile, saying that ,“This one is good to for your teeth”. At the moment, the girl is getting a little shy as well and says, Thankso him.t When the boy is checking the money, the girl picks another one from the shelf quickly and puts it on the casher counter softly. Then the girl turns and goes towards the door. Suddenly, the boy notices the gum that is on the casher counter and immediately shouts that “Your Extra White”.When you use "that" you are not directly quoting the person so you cannot use quotation marks. This is an indirect quote. When you write just what he says, that is a direct quote and you have to use quotation marks. He thinks that the left gum is the girl’s, which is just forgotten by her. the girl forgot to take her gum and l has eft it on the counter. Surprisingly, the girl turns around and smiles and says, that “it’s your Extra White”.  A really nice job and a cute subject.

This TV commercial really impressed me a lot. I guess one reason is its original and romantic plot; however, the key point main reason is that the advertisement girl is Guo Biting, who is one of my favorite actresses. So, I guess you can understand my feeling to about the ad.