An essay about drugs and young people. please help me with corrections. thanks a million in advance.

Using drugs, legally or illegally, is increasing more than ever before, especially among young people. Some believe that parents and societies are two main reasons for this problem and that it is time to find some solutions.
The first society that children grow up in is the home and the first teachers children have are their parents. Research shows that young people who have addicted parents are more likely to use drugs in the future. It is important for parents to know they are setting an example for their children. An alcoholic parent, for example, is showing his or her children that using alcohol is acceptable.
The second main reason for the increasing number of drug users is society. The possibility of getting addicted in a modern society could be more because of the widespread availability of drugs as well as the example set by famous people. For example, a famous singer using drugs may be a bad example for his or her young fans because many young individuals consider the singer as a super star and so being addicted could be considered as a good point in him or her. Besides famous people, the easy availability to buy drugs can also have an impact. A good example is the abundance of dealers around schools where eager buyers can easily be found.
But whose duty is it to change the situation which many societies are struggling with, and what are suggestions which can help improve the situation? Of course, the responsibility is on the shoulders of both parents and governments.
On the one hand, it can be useful for parents to be aware of their position as a role model for their children and control over their children too [I'm not sure what you mean here]. There are many conferences and classes which parents can attend to learn more about the subject. On the other hand, governments can create laws regarding drugs and drug users. Banning some drugs, controlling the behavior of famous people, or arresting drug dealers could be some solutions which governments could try.
In short, the increasing number of users in many societies is a problem which needs some attention from both governments and parents.

Nicely done.

Drugs use, legally or illegally, has increased more than ever before, particularly among young people. Some believe that parents and society are two main reasons for this problem and this is the time to find some solutions for that. 

The first society that children grow up in is “Home” and the first teachers who teach children are "Parents". Research showed that young people whose parents are addicted to drugs are more likely to be a drug user in the future. This is important for parents to know they are role models for their children. An alcoholic parent, for example, shows to his or her children that using alcohol is acceptable.
The second main reason of the increasing number of drug user is “Society”. The possibility of getting addicted in a modern society could be higher because of the widespread availability of drugs as well as the tendency to imitate famous persons. For example, a famous singer that is using drug may be a bad example for young people who follow him or her because many young individuals consider the singer as a super star thus, being addicted could be considered as a good point by him or her. Besides famous persons, the high availability of drugs is also essential. A good example is that there are many drug dealers around schools who can be found simpley and make students eager to buy those drugs.
But whose duty is it to avoid the situation with which many people are struggling and what are the suggestions that can help improve the situation? Of course the duty is on the parents and governments shoulders.
On the one hand, It can be useful if parents are aware of their role as a model for their children and to control over their children too. There are many conferences and classes which parents can attend to get more knowledge about the problem. One the other hand, government can put some laws for drugs and drug users. Banning some drugs, controlling over famous people behavior, arresting drug dealers could be some solution which can be done by the government.
In short, increasing drug users in the societiy is a problem which needs some attention by government and parents to solve the problem.