Depressed

I traveled to Japan for a week for the past one week.
After I came back, I have been thinking about my future a lot.
I felt very painful sad because it seems like my heart suggests wants me to make some decisions about the problems that I have had for the past one year- to give up a man whom I have loved for a long time, but who will never belong to mine me in real life.
Everytime when I think of it, my tears always gather around my eyes; my heart is sad and depressed. In My rational side tells me that I know I should have given up since a very long time ago, it's just that I wouldn't want to until my heart was finally tired and broke.

I really feel very sad that why I can't I really find someone who loves me and wants to be with me. I want someone who has the same feeling I have for him ust like my feelings to him; I want to love him with all my heart, no reserve, and would do some changes what I have to just to be with him.

My heart is tired and I need rest...