Going Coming back to reality

I am not sure why I am writing this entry. I feel so down and want to share this  with others but not with my friends. I am back have just returned from after an interview. It was one of the worst experiences I've ever had have. I don't want to say repeat the questions and my answers. what I have been asked and replied. What I feel now

I am feeling like someone  has thrown a bottle of muddy water in my face. Or, that I've fell fallen down to a mud pit. It's hard to see the reality that I  have yet to know learn much more than I what I already know. I have to become more confident and more focused. Somewhere I have lost focus on what I does or doing everyday. Being I am  very mechanical and doing everyday the same things everyday. Never thinking why I am doing it. this, Is it because I am copying someone else the one before me also done same, or some one else told me to do it? Do Have I ever asked myself the reason for what I do? The answer is 'No'. But I should  have to. I have to ask myself a thousands of questions to myself before accepting or doing anything. God be with me on my journey.