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please to correct about my wrong Recently, as an increasing number of people, who was offender, incessantly beyond the law boundary, more and more researchers support an opinion that criminals should be educated by society. Personally, I am completely convinced by this view. Admittedly, if we give a growing number of educations for these offenders, it will lead more financial pressure into government. For example, as the more criminals gain a better education, the more cost of that education should be paid by government, not to mention other field, such as anti-terrorism, healthy care and so on. However, considering the reason about why these people, who was criminal, continually destroy the law; the major factor is because they do not have enough knowledge or social skills to help them to find a job or foster themselves. Therefore, if we can teach on-job training for them, the criminal rate will display a decreasing tendency. Of course, it is not to say that all of them should not be punished by society. Personally, as lone as a person breaks the law, everyone should pay a cost for his or her action. After all, we should not give a privilege for everyone. In conclusion, it is true that jail holds an unique value in our society and it is a indispensable part of our world. In other words, all of offenders desire a punishment if they beyond the legal. Meanwhile, we also need offer an education for them to prevent these people to do the same illegal things as they did in the past.

Corrections · 2

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please, this is a writing about IELTS, please to use more complex sentences and more difficult words. thanks, just because i need improve my score for my writing. thanks!!!
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Recently, as an increasing amount of people go against the law, more  researchers support the opinion that criminals should be educated. Personally, I agree with this point of view. 


Admittedly, if we give education to a growing number of offenders, it will lead to more financial pressure in government. For example, as more criminals gain education, the more the cost is to be paid by government. Not to mention other costs, such as anti-terrorism, healthcare, etc.

However, considering the reason why these people, who are criminals, continually destroy the law; the major factor is because they do not have enough knowledge or social skills to help them to find a job or foster themselves. Therefore, if we can teach on-job training for them, the criminal rate would display a decrease.


Of course, it is not to say that all of them should not be punished by society. Personally, as long as a person breaks the law, they should pay a cost for his or her action. After all, we should not give the privilege to everyone.

In conclusion, it is true that jail holds a unique value in our society, and it is a indispensable part of our world. In other words, all offenders desire a punishment if they break the law. We also need to offer an education to them to prevent reverting back to the same illegal activites as they did in the past.

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