The Climate

* The correction was too long so I made 2 different posts...

The beach was obviously clear and safe. ("It's obvious that the beach is clear and safe.) Anyone who wanted to swim usually went into the sea with no worries. Now, however, people cannot do the same thing anymore because there are a lot of jelly fishes. Jelly fishes have come here because its temperature has been getting warm. (the temperature of the jellyfish? Then say, "...because their temperature has been getting warmer/increasing.) So many people have gotten attacked from them, and even one young girl was injured seriously. (Since they have moved nearby the beach, many people have been attacked by them, and one young girl was seriously injured from an attack.) When I went to the beach with pleasure (more like, "excitement/anticipation for fun/enjoyment), I only saw jellyfishes floating everywhere in the sea. I felt very scared then. I had never expected that the frightening possibilities of climate change could affect even the most remote places I knew. (I don't know if the adjective "frightening" with climate change is the best word choice, but maybe by using "possibilties" it makes it seem like the word frightening is describing the possibilities, which to me sounds a little better. I think that you were trying to say the most remote or enjoyable/nicest places when you said, "...could affect even here." because you're talking about the nice beach that only a few people know about)

After I return from the beach (you're talking about coming home from the beach/grandparent's house, right?), I rarely turn on the air conditioner- at least in my home. (You can also say, "When I'm home, I rarely turn on/use the air conditioner.) I usually use a fan instead. Some people tell me that even if I try hard, there wouldn't be any difference on the earth. (I think you're saying that people tell you that even if you tried hard to change the world for the better by positively effecting the climate by doing whatever it takes, it wouldn't actually have any significant effect on the earth's climate. I think the sentence needs to be a little more clear about something, like either what you would do by trying hard "changing the climate for the better", or what you really mean by the word, "difference" such as "there wouldn't be any positive result on the earth's climate." I definitely know/understand that fact, but I cannot live the same (you don't need/shouldn't use "the same" in this sentence.) as if I had not seen anything. Nobody can deal with the global matters by himself. There must be some people who agree with me and live like me. If our trials converge, at least one polar bear will live one more day.

That's basically all of the corrections I have. Good writing and interesting ideas!

The Climate

(You may want to start your writing by introducing the main topic first. After reading the first sentence, it made me think that you were writing about just the climate in Korea. Then suddenly, the topic changes to the global climate and so on. I re-wrote the first paragraph below to show how I might write it.)

("In elementary school, I learned that Korea's climate has 4 distinct seasons. Unlike the climate in Korea, however, the world's overall climate is changing dramatically. Unless we take the necessary steps (the phrase "take any steps" is better used in the negative such as, "If we don't take any steps to...." the phrase "take steps/take the necessary steps to..." should probably have something after it explaining what those steps are, or have the explanation before, "We will have to live in a much hotter earth if we don't prevent this change by taking the necessary/right steps.") to prevent this change, we will have to live on a much hotter earth. Nowadays, children learn about the future predictions on the climate change in Korea, which may be purposed to raise future generation's awareness of global warming.

Korea has been known for its 4 seasons which can be divided clearly. That is what I learned about the climate of Korea in elementary school. ("In elementary school, I learned about the climate of Korea, which has 4 very distinct seasons. Compared to the Korean climate, the overall global climate") However, the climate over the globe is dramatically changing ; we will have to live in much hotter earth unless we take any steps. Now, children also learn about what the climate of Korea will be like in the future. It may be to raise the awareness of the global warming for children.

The climate of Korea has been changing into a subtropical climate. I am sure that every country goes through this phenomenon. Although I saw many news about it, I did not have any idea. (Although I have seen a lot of news about this subject/topic, I never realized...(it was true/the possible ramifications/the possible consequences/the real effect that it has.) or, "I was unaware of the real consequences that it can have.) However, when I visited my grandparents, I realized how severe this phenomenon (is this what you're talking about by saying, "it"). My grandparents have lived on a countryside (their whole lives? 20 years? "for a long time"? I think you should try to mention a time frame, or just say, "My grandparents live on a countryside." in the present tense). There is a beautiful and peaceful beach. Only a few people know about this place and spend their holidays here. (Are you saying that the same few people who know about this place always spend their holidays here as well? Then it should say, "Only a few people know about this place and they spend their holidays here." since only people who know about the place would spend their holidays here, the only other case is that some of the few people who know about the place spend their holidays there. In that case, you should write, "Only a few people know about this place, and some of them spend their holidays here as well." It's just slightly more clear and maybe confusing, but without the additional words, "Only a few people know here and spend their holidays" doesn't clearly state whether you're stating that the people always go to the location on holidays or not.) 

REST OF THE CORRECTIONS ON NEXT CORRECTION