Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Recently I met with my friend. She was upset about her boyfriend.
I asked her about what happened. She told me her story. Yesterday her boyfriend didn't contact her for a whole day, and she met a setback in her work, so she was very upset that her boyfriend wasn't there to be with her.

I asked her, "Why didn't you contact him and tell him about your work?" 

She said, "why should I contact him? He should have the decency to contact me." 

She was very angry and she confronted him that evening. He accused her of being irrational because it was only a day and it didn't mean anything. She became angrier, accusing him of ignoring her. Finally her boyfriend said, “I hate myself.” And she said, “I hate you too. I don’t want to talk to you.” And guess what the boy said? He said, “I’ll go to sleep then.”

And she felt she was sitting on a volcano. (I'm not quite sure what you mean by this.)

She showed me the messages of the dialogues between her and her boyfriend, and I thought, oh, no.

This is the classic situation between girlfriends and boyfriends. None of them has done a good of communicating.

When a girl tells you that she is upset, don’t try to convince her that there is nothing to worry about. All she want to do is to express her feelings, not seek a solution. So, all a boy has to do is shut up and listen.

A girl should just say what she wants and not be so dramatic. You are upset because your boyfriend didn't call you and ask how your day was. Say it and say it clearly.

The problem is girls don’t usually express what they really want. When she says “I don’t want to talk to you”, what she is really trying to say is:

I am angry with you. I need you to stay here and talk to me, convince me that you love me and what happened is a little mistake and won’t happen again. So talk to me.

But when a boy hears this, all he hears is:

She doesn't want to talk to me. She is very angry. I should let her cool down and then I’ll talk to her. (I am a girl so I can only guess.)

My friend was so angry and wanted to break up with him. I said, “Don’t make decisions when you are angry. And don’t break up with him because you are angry; break up with him because you don’t care.”

She finally cooled down. She was still upset, but cooled down.

Later she showed me another message that her boyfriend sent her:

“I love you, I really do. I just wish you knew how much I do.”

I guess both of them have to try harder to show their love.