Corrections · 2
Please make my essay to be corrected
Nowadays, there is no need for museums and art galleries anymore. Since everything is accessible through internet, people can find any historic facts there. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons and examples from your personal knowledge.
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Nowadays, more and more Internet users insist that museums and art galleries are not needed, because historical ? and masterpieces are available to see online. "Or" is fine grammatically, but it sounds a little weak. "Historical truths" is a phrase that we use, but I think the meaning might be a little different from what you want. Here, "truth" means something closer to "wisdom" than "fact."
In this essay, I am going to explore why I absolutely disagree with their opinion for several reasons. "I am to explore" has no grammatical problems, but the meaning is more like "I have to explore."
First of all, the resources on the Web have some limitations. This is mainly because they are in digital form, which cannot be touched, and may be incorrectly interpreted due to frauds or misleading information. You almost always need a comma before "which," because it starts a relative clause. "Frauds" is better than "the frauds," because you're not talking about specific frauds. Even though you're talking about a specific KIND of frauds, I would still remove "the."
Conversely, in historical museums, visitors receive detailed descriptions in terms of the historical facts from curators and are able to grasp them completely. The three-dimensional structure of the relics also plays a significant role in improving people’s comprehension. Therefore, the materials in museums are much more useful in comparison with the mere digital images on the Internet.
In addition, museums are one of the most important factors contributing to the growth of tourism industries. I think this sentence refers to multiple tourism industries, but you can also think of it as one global industry. So "tourism industries" or "THE tourism industry."
For example, the Louvre Museum, which is a historic monument located in Paris, France, has more than 9.7 million visitors each year. For museums, we always say "the ___ Museum."
It also acts as a central landmark of the country and is able to attract a large number of tourists from all over the world, which is impossible to replace with the Internet. "It is also acting as" would be okay, but that makes it sound temporary. "It also acts as" is better, and since the verbs on either side of the "and" are now different, we need to say "and IS able..." If something has already been replaced, it is "replaced by," but if something is going to be (might be, etc.) replaced, it is "replace with." Why? ... I don't know :)
Consequently, from a tourism business point of view, the Web is only a tool for finding where museums are located and can never match them. I think "tourism" is better here, but I can't say why. It's a "tool for finding," or a "tool to find." "Located" is used with things like existing buildings. "Placed" sounds temporary, or it sounds like you're emphasizing the process of placing something.
In summary, I strongly believe that museums are valuable in providing accurate information related to history and art and developing tourism, which the Internet cannot do. "Museums" is better, because you're talking about all museums. I think the last clause was a little confusing, so I changed it. The first part of the sentence says that museums are valuable, then goes on to say how they are valuable. "While" is used for contrast, so you'd have to say the Internet is NOT valuable in these ways at all. I think you're just saying that museums are clearly better, which I tried to communicate with the change. Also, "online" is an adjective or an adverb, but not a noun. "Online does not have them." X "They do not exist online." O
Thus, drawing a comparison between the role of museums and the Internet is meaningless. "The role of museums" refers to everything about museums, while "a role of museums" would be one thing that museums do.
Your argument is strong, and the mistakes you made were very minor. I hope my explanations make sense!
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