Yet Another Letter to Christ Green
Background information:
Christ Green says he's a former IELTS examiner. I've learned about his marking service on his website. So I sent him some of my writing and asked him to mark it. I suggested I would pay to get some writing advice after that. But he turned out giving me a score a lot higher than the consistent one IELTS had given me. So I thought he was wrong and didn't ask for further advice. But now, I really hope he would give me another chance.
My letter:
Dear Chris,
Long time no see. Do you still remember me? You marked a letter and an article of mine about three months ago. You believed that I would get at least an eight for my writing in the IELTS test. You also said if I was lucky, it would even be possible for me to get a nine. I didn’t ask for further advice, because I didn’t really aim at such a high score. In fact, my goal has always been a seven for writing. But it’s still not achieved yet.
I took the IELTS test in January last year for the first time. I sat the second one before asking you for help. There were yet another two tests afterwards. In all of the four tests, my writing scores were consistently 6.5. After my second test, they told me my writing score was five, and I asked them to double-check the result. It turned out to be 6.5 again. The third time, after getting a 6.5, I believed that I must have somewhat improved my writing and requested re-mark again. But they still insisted my writing deserved a 6.5.
Over the last year, I’ve never given up my pursuit. There was a time I wrote four articles and four letters every week, and asked a number of native speakers of different backgrounds for corrections. Most of them didn't think my writing was bad. But it seems that all my efforts have been in vain. I just feel rather desperate because of it. I’m now forced to conclude that there must be some hidden and persistent problems in my writing.
I’ve always appreciated your website and consider it an invaluable treasure for us IELTS candidates. Could you possibly do me a favour again and help me to figure out the unknown problems in my writing?
Thank you.
Yours sincerely,
Nelson Zonhat Lee
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 7
0
Hello Lee,
I believe you are sincerely asking for help, however you letter starts off with many accusations "you marked...., you believed..., you said...., etc. " this will trigger a defensive reflex in the person reading you letter. Your English grammar usage is excellent, however your presentation is a bit awkward and may not produce the effects you want. It can be re-organized for better results.
Further down in your letter, I started to feel that you are putting forth a very honest effort and are puzzled by the results. You are providing good justification to Chris (not Christ) to drill down a little deeper and challenge him to examine where your writing / presentation style is blocked. Put this stuff in the beginning of the letter, something like this (I urge you to re-write it in your own words):
Dear Chris,
[Start the conversation off Positive]
Thank you for receiving my letter. You may remember me from previous efforts in preparing for the IELTS exam. Your website has always been an invaluable treasure for us IELTS candidates and I am returning now with the hopes of improving my skills even further.
[Introduce the problem]
It seems that after putting forth my best efforts in writing which include 4 graded writing submissions, I cannot seem to gain a higher ranking than 6.5. After 4 attempts each resulting in the same scoring zone, I am now searching for the keys to unlock and improve my writing abilities.
[Relate problem to Chris and ask for help]
My reason for writing you today is because I always received very positive feedback from you about my writing skills. You felt that it was possible for me to score results of 8 or 9. This leaves me puzzled after 4 attempts less than 7 and I am hoping that you may have some time to work with me once again to examine the differences between your grading criteria and those I received from my 4 attempts...
you finish the rest in your own words...
Good Luck my friend...
0
I believe you are sincerely asking for help, however you letter starts off with many accusations "you marked...., you believed..., you said...., etc. " this will trigger a defensive reflex in the person reading you letter. Your English grammar usage is excellent, however your presentation is a bit awkward and may not produce the effects you want. It can be re-organized for better results.
Further down in your letter, I started to feel that you are putting forth a very honest effort and are puzzled by the results. You are providing good justification to Chris (not Christ) to drill down a little deeper and challenge him to examine where your writing / presentation style is blocked.
Put this stuff in the beginning of the letter, something like this (I urge you to re-write it in your own words)
Dear Chris,
[Start the conversation off Positive]
Thank you for receiving my letter. You may remember from my previous efforts in preparing for the IELTS exam. Your website has always been an invaluable treasure for us IELTS candidates and I am returning now with the hopes of improving my skills even further.
[Introduce the problem]
It seems that after putting forth my best efforts in writing which include 4 graded writing submissions, I cannot seem to gain a higher ranking than 6.5. After 4 attempts each resulting in the same scoring zone, I am now searching for the keys to unlock and improve my writing abilities.
[Relate problem to Chris]
My reason for writing you today is because I always received very positive feedback from you about my writing skills. You felt that it was possible for me to score results of 8 or 9. This leaves me puzzled after 4 attempts less than 7 and I am hoping that you may have some time to work with me once again to examine the differences between your grading criteria and those I received from my 4 attempts...
you finish the rest in your own words...
Good Luck my friend...
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