First try in IELTS writing test. Please tell me, is it readable? The topic that is discussed here is about why the land becomes less productive and gives less harvest. As we can see at the pie chart

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Evgeny

First try in IELTS writing test. Please tell me, is it readable? The topic that is discussed here is about why the land becomes less productive and gives less harvest. As we can see at the pie chart, there are three general reasons for that. The process that looks like to be the biggest problem is over-grazing which takes 35% of all the pie chart. Deforestation is on the second place with its 30%. And over-cultivation causes just a little bit less problems in a worldwide range with its 28% in comparison with deforestation. The table below shows some interesting facts: First, Europe now have the worst situation with its lands, as they have degraded at totally 23%. Second, Oceania doesn't have any problems with over-cultivation, but over-grazing is the issue that have to be attended closely. Third, it seems that North America is succeed in taking care of its land, as it have the smallest percent of land degradation. So maybe Europe should learn from North America in this particular cases?

Corrections · 5

It is readable and understandable. But let's see if we can make it a little more so.

Corrections in red. Stylistics in blue.

First try in IELTS writing test. Please tell me, is it readable?

The topic that is discussed here is about why the land becomes less productive and yields a smaller harvest.
As we can see from/on the pie chart, there are three general reasons for that. First, the process that appears to be the biggest problem is overgrazing, which has caused 35% of the land to degrade, according to the pie chart. Deforestation is in second place with its 30%. And over cultivation causes just a little bit fewer problems in a worldwide range, with its 28%. in comparison with deforestation.
The table below reveals/shows some other interesting facts:
First, Europe now has the worst situation with respect to its land, as it has degraded a total of 23%.
Second, Oceania doesn't have any problems with over cultivation, but overgrazing is an issue that has to be watched closely.
Third, it seems that North America is succeeding in taking care of its land, as it has seen/experienced the smallest percent of land degradation.
So maybe Europe should learn from North America regarding this particular issue.

to be honest the writing is the most difficult part of IELTS for me) and I am using mobile now so i couldnt look at link) i will look when i am at pc but i think u wrote quite well in just 20 mins

Hello and thanks Nadya ) Here is the link to the chart https://docs.google.com/drawings/d/13w50cXATDZ8EMu1yIQ83voqOM9xTPuq1Os1yIghz7mg/ I'm sure that there is mush to write about here, but that was all I managed to write in 20 minutes. Have you noticed anything I could correct to improve this text?

Hi Evgeny! of course it is readable but as I cant see the chart i cant say anything more) Good luck with IELTS!)

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