I want a language partner!

Hey everybody, I am Sue from Hunan, China. As a native speaker my Chinese is surely fluent.
I have been studying English and French. I can communicate with native English speakers relatively [quite] well but there is still much room for improvement!
However, my French is bad... I do need to work harder on it. More importantly, I need the help from you.
As a fourth grader in a univeristy, I sincerely look forward to making some friends here and embarking upon my language learning trip!
Thanks very much!

Very well written! :)

Wow! 'fourth grader in a univeristy'? How old are you?

I Want a Language Partner!

Hey everybody, I am Sue from Hunan, China and, (.) as a native speaker, my Chinese is surely fluent.
I have been studying English and French and (. I) can communicate with native English speakers relatively well but there is still much room for improvement (s) !
However, my French is bad, hence, I (do) need to work harder on it. More importantly, I need the help from you.
As a fourth grader in a university (univeristy), I sincerely look forward to meeting some friends here and embarking on my language learning trip!
Thanks very much!

Well written and cohesive. We would use initial capitals within the title as it carries more significance. You have four short sentences at the beginning of your essay. By simply combining sentences you can make your writing a little more sophisticated by the addition of the conjunction 'and'.