Corrections

Can you please correct any grammatical mistakes  in this essay??ㅠㅠ

How many people can play the gayagem, the Korean traditional string instrument? A traditional Korean instrument class would provide students with chances to play a variety of Korean traditional instruments such as gayagem, daegem and even the instruments that students haven’t heard their name before. The University should set up a new course on learning how to play Korean traditional instruments because there would be emotional benefits for all students who participate in and benefits for our whole community. Not only students can have composure from this course, but this the course also can could contribute to preservation of our traditions.
Firstly, by playing Korean traditional instruments, students can relieve the stress from of studying. Today’s many college students are exhausted because of hard works  the workload  associated with such as vast amount of homework and exams. Students can rest and alleviate their stress when performing traditional music with their instruments. For example, Gayagem Sanjo is one of the a Korean traditional music, known for its slow tempo and peaceful melody. Students can feel the take comfort and relaxation from the slow tempo music. Also, they can learn how to handle manage their stress in the process of playing the instruments. Thus, it is helpful for students to learn how to play Korean traditional instruments because students can have  the time to relax during  while playing the instruments.

Secondly, playing Korean traditional instruments can help our society to preserve our own tradition. Nowadays, many aspects of Korean culture are disappearing and being forgotten. Playing these instruments makes students to feel  how the spirit of our ancients is different from to that of West western’s, and then can prevent our traditions from being forgotten. For instance, many young people don’t know about Haegem, the Korean traditional string instrument, and also they have not listened to the performance of this instrument. If students can have a class to learn how to play the Haegem and get interests from it develop interest in it, it can be the good chance for the instruments to be spread out to young people. Therefore, teaching how to play the Korean traditional instruments can help our traditions to be transmitted to a younger  generation  in the long run.

In conclusion, the a class about  Korean traditional musical instruments is necessary because it can help students to get find relaxation in their tired life and also help our traditional culture to be preserved. If students learn how to find composure from this class, they can overcome any difficult and complex situation with composure. In addition, the tradition will be handed down to the next generation without being and not be forgotten.

Notes:

I don't think that this part of the sentence is a grammatical mistake but it is not the best way to express the  idea  and even the instruments that students haven’t heard their name before.

I would not say that it is wrong. I have seen similar sentences from native English writers. Perhaps and even instruments previously unknown to the students.

I am not sure what you mean by have composure.

You are talking about a future course so use could (in the future) rather than can (in the present).

Handle their stress is not incorrect, but you will see manage their stress more often.

Leave a single empty line between paragraphs.

Conclusion.

You wrote a good piece. I found it interesting. I don't think that you had major issues with your text, it looks like the sort of first draft that I would produce to get my thoughts down on paper (or into a computer file)

and then edit to streamline things. So this is a very good effort in a foreign language so congratulations.

Your idea of class in traditional Korean cultural music is a very good one, I hope that your administrations and lecturer like it.

Do you have a source of recordings for other traditional music ? I am interested in the music of non Western cultures.

I do believe that the Korean government is trying to preserve their culture and music.

can you please correct grammar in this essay??ㅠㅠ

How many people can play the gayagem, the Korean traditional string instrument? A traditional Korean instrument class would provide students with chances to play a variety of Korean traditional instruments such as gayagem, daegem and even the instruments that students haven’t heard their name before. The University should set up a new course on learning how to play Korean traditional instruments because there would be emotional benefits for all students who participate in and benefits for our whole community. Not only students can have composure from this course, but this course also can contribute to preservation of our traditions.
Firstly, by playing Korean traditional instruments, students can relieve the stress from studying. Today’s many college students are exhausted because of hard works such as vast amount of homework and exams. Students can rest and alleviate their stress when performing traditional music with the instruments. For example, Gayagem Sanjo is one of the Korean traditional music, known for its slow tempo and peaceful melody. Students can feel the comfort and relaxation from the slow tempo music. Also, they can learn how to handle their stress in the process of playing the instruments. Thus, it is helpful for students to learn how to play Korean traditional instruments because students can have time to relax during playing the instruments.
Secondly, playing Korean traditional instruments can help our society to preserve our own tradition. Nowadays, many Korean cultures are disappearing and being forgotten. Playing these instruments makes students to feel the spirit of our ancients different from that of western’s, and then can prevent our traditions from being forgotten. For instance, many young people don’t know about Haegem, the Korean traditional string instrument, and also they have not listened to the performance of this instrument. If students can have class to learn how to play the Haegem and get interests from it, it can be the good chance for the instruments to be spread out to young people. Therefore, teaching how to play the Korean traditional instruments can help our traditions to be transmitted to young generation, in the long run.