follow my heart's feeling

I forgot how long I don't write a diary (I didn't realize how long it has been since I've written a diary). In my heart I have many words to say,but I don't know how to say them.It is boring for me.Therefore,I try to write something in English that will perhaps maybe make me comfortable.
I try my best to do my work,but it I improve so slowly.My passion is receding dwindling.I need a person who can help and accompany me on the way to advancement.
If my life is so too free, I feel boredning.If life is too busy, I feel tired.I am so contradictory.Maybe life itself is a contradiction.
I don't know what my future might bring how is my future.We offen worry about the future even though we don't know what will happen in the future. A career, love and family are our needs.We want to own and protect them with our whole strengh/being.So we become more and more courageous.But sometimes we are lost because we fear facing it to face it.Positive attitude is important for us in our life.
Hope everyone is happy and everything is going well.