Hi Nana this is overall very good. You're a very advanced writer. Most of these corrections make your diction flow better, and make context more clear.

Toefl ibt writing (TOEFL usually spelled in all capitals)

These days, schools have a variety of teaching methods for their students. Some schools tend to teach them by providing them more job skills, whereas others focus on general subjects and their primary theories. In my point of view, I think it’s wise for schools to teach students about specific careers and jobs instead of general subjects. Obviously, there are a wide range of factors involved: 
To begin with, students become well-equipped with practical knowledge by teaching when they learn specific careers and job skills. This enables them to find jobs more easily after they graduate from school and they become well-prepared and far more confident when they take a job interview. This will certainly stand them out from other candidates.

Besides, schools can offer them a direct way to learn job experience, which without some people may find it hard to get when they start their work difficult. For instance, when my uncle graduated from school and began to work in a trade company based on his economic major. However, since he had never learned any career courses in at the university, he lacked plenty of job experiences, which made him in a bad situation of his job making his job situation a bad one. He could neither climb the career ladder nor get his salary rise. He ended up having to leave his job. [From which we can see how important job knowledge is when it comes to work.] This sentence is gramatically correct but isn't very useful when making an argument. If you wanted to include a sentence saying essentially, "See? This is the correct way to think," I'd phrase it something like: Based on his experience and the experiences of others like him, having previous job experience while in school is very important.

Last but not the least, learning this type of knowledge at school makes classes more practical and attractive, for many students would like to attend (this is already inferred). On the other hand, a class full of theories can be really dull, and students might not want to choose (choose works if you're talking about the specific class, otherwise use "concentrate" which invokes the subject and work itself) it next time. My university offers an optional course which relates to jobs and careers and there are always a large number of students attending the class; not only is the course essensial and useful, but it also teaches in a style of the professor's which is funny without a lot of theories.
Therefore, to teach students more specific careers and jobs paves a way for them to find their future success in jobs and is beneficial to both society and education.

Toefl ibt writing (the 'underlined red' phrases are the linking phrases I notice ... maybe examiners like them, but I think it means they get overused; they never add to meaning, and serve as noise words, filler, I feel.  Most can be deleted with zero impact)

These days, schools have varieties use a variety of teaching methods toward their students (redundant). Some schools tend to teach them by providing them to favour teaching more job skills whereas others focus on general traditional academic subjects and their primary theories. In my point of view, I think (point of view/think is repetitive) it’s wise for schools to teach students about specific careers and jobs instead of general subjects. Obviously, there are ('a lot of', 'a wide range of' - raise confusion about singular or plural - avoid and just use 'many') a wide range of many/several factors involved.
To begin with, students are well equipped with practical knowledge by teaching when taught specific career and job skills, which enables them to find jobs more easily after they graduate school; and they become well-prepared and far more confident when they taking a job interviews, which will certainly enable them to stand them out from other candidates.
Besides, Such schools offer them a direct way to learn acquire/gain/obtain job experience, which some otherwise people may find it be hard to get when before they start their work. For instance, When Take as an example, my uncle, who graduated from school and began to work in a trade company based on his economic major. However, since he had never learned any career courses in university, he lacked plenty of any job experience, which placed made him in a bad situation of his job. He could neither climb the career ladder nor get his a salary rise, thus he left his job. From which We can see how important job knowledge is when it comes to work.
Last but not the least, learning these kind of knowledge of this kind at school makes classes more practical and attractive, for many students would like to attend. On the other hand, a class full of theory can be really dull, and students might not want to choose it next time. My university offer an optional course which relates to jobs and careers; there are always a large number of students attending this class. Not only is the course is essential and useful, but also the teaching style of the professor is funny without a lot of theory.
Therefore, to teach students more specific career and job skills paves a way for them to their future success in jobs and is beneficial to both society and education.

You really didn't address the benefits of a traditional academic approach at all.  Where do our deep thinkers and innovators and creative people come from?