part 2 I want my writing to be academic

I have seperated my essay into several parts and submitted it to here since the words account is limited. Please help me to make the grammar accurate and more academic. I'm studying a pre-masters course, so I want my writing to be much more academic. Thanks a lot.

One clear advantage of CCTV cameras is that CCTV cameras play a key effective role in decreasing the crime rate and the fear of offenses . Gill and Sprigs (2005) states[1] that since the activities are being monitored by CCTV cameras in every single moment, any movements of offenders can be identified easily through CCTV records. Consequently, CCTV cameras have a shock effect on crime as reported by the Scottish government in 2009. This means that CCTV can make citizens feel safer and reduce the fear of crime greatly. According to a survey from Griffiths (2004) about the crime rate changes after the period of installing CCTV cameras, which used Gillingham as an example, they(?) claimed that CCTV cameras have a particular impact on motor vehicle thefts and other pre-meditated crimes. Among all crime types, shoplifting and theft of motor vehicle were the significant areas which were influenced by CCTV cameras, the crime rates declined 49% and 37% respectively(ibid). Therefore, CCTV cameras’ shock effect refrains individuals from crime, less people are willing to commit a crime by exposing themselves to surveillance cameras, which accomplish the goal of CCTV cameras as an approach of crime prevention[2].

Furthermore, CCTV cameras represent an attempt by police to improve their operational efficiency. Gill and Sprigs (2005) take the view that CCTV cameras maintain records into a database in case of legal cases[3], proving the record as effective evidences for police. Additionally, Clarkson (2009) maintains that over 76% of legal cases are solved with the help of CCTV records in the UK. Take the Boston bombing as an example: 2 bombs exploded during the Boston Marathon on April 15, 2013, causing 264 people injuries and left 3 people dead. 3 days later, FBI (2013) concluded that two men who behaved suspiciously and could be the bombers in all likelihood by observing the CCTV footage unceasingly[4]. This example clearly demonstrates that there is no denying[5] that CCTV footage makes a significant breakthrough for police to handle cases and plays an irreplaceable role in criminal investigations.

Red - errors

Green - suggestions

Blue - needs rephrasing

[1]Two authors state.

[2] 'Cameras' are not a goal. You don't use 'approach' with of.

[3] Similarly you don't maintain (keep) something into. It also sounds very awkward to use 'case of cases'. 

[4] This whole sentence is very unclear. It would probably be clearer if broken into two sentences. There is way too much surmising. Unceasingly is not a good word to use here either - to be blunt, its use is a classic indicator of 'chinglish'!

[5] You have used two similar phrases. One or other is redundant.