Let me try4 But the Feeling about helplessness is dominating my all time even if can`t cognition my thought. I must Keep in mind every time Currently my situation is maybe the worst time of my life. And suddenly I understand that, when trying to make sentences as English, The most frequently using words in my note is , "My" and "I". As I thought, has only cared about me, and that means, Only my consciousness or unconsciousness are trying to satisfy my present satisfaction. But see, some kind of dream, and Goal are always related to Social meaning. When I try to find my passion and dream about what I really want to be, there are always people with or the situation I can`t get away from them. From this point of view, for now I am avoiding to meet other people and try to escape from past memory about failure with people. So, My real dream and My Ultimate goal are blurred by my consciousness or unconsciousness, and when I get my self-awareness, I realize that I am just wandering around with humour site, and seeing the web - cartoon, and there is just one who spend life to away from real life. So basically, I believe that I can find myself to be happy, so I want to escape from this complicated situation, So try myself to meet people. First footstep is just saying my words or note on the site (like italki) and find people and try to chat with them and spend with them. Actually I suddenly feel that they are really precious to me because I can feel that they are really care about my talk and feeling that I never get from anyone, so I really appreciate peoples to talk with me. But still, I think my state is unstable. I feel that some kind of hunger relates my emotion, and still my mind is easily blurred by my egos just only want some self - contentment from the current situation. I will try, as I said before.