I don't need English lessons from some random Chinese dude who thinks he's a native English-speaker because he lives in San Francisco; I could read and write in English since I was one, and every single of the tens of millions of original thoughts that have ever occurred to me in my entire life and my entire understanding of whatever amount of the world and universe that I do understand have all been constructed solely and completely in English.

"Creation, just the sake, recital; fake and yet so right." If you don't understand the colloquial register of English grammar and the ways the rules can be bent and broken and still sound natural, especially in a non-prosaic form then of course it's not going to make sense. If you can't hold words from previous lines in your short-term memory as you read the lines that follow them, you're not going to be able to connect them meaningfully the way that a native speaker of the language should be able to. CREATION (topic, links sex to the act of creation to give it a broader scope), JUST THE SAKE (justifies the topic by denying a need for a reason in the first place), RECITAL (expands on the connection between creation and sex by pointing out the main incongruence, the fact that she's not getting pregnant and we're not actually creating anything); FAKE AND YET SO RIGHT (based off the phrase "so wrong and yet so right", and once again pointing out the disconnect between the actual creation act and this fake version of it). The line is immediately followed by "THIS PRACTICE-LOVE" which was the explanation for the previous line and the conclusion you are supposed to land on after reading the words CREATION, RECITAL, and FAKE.

@Brian, thanks for trying to compensate for the lack of constructive criticism in the other people's comments, but I think most native English speakers my age, at least who don't completely hate poetry to begin with, would probably say that the English version is actually completely fine. The point of a poem is not to say really obvious things in a really obvious way; you have to connect concepts and images that people don't usually connect and make them dig a little bit to pull their own personal meaning out of it. If I wanted to just say the bare essence of what it was, the whole poem would just be "I had sex under a tree one summer in norther California." and that would be a completely &#^$ing horrible poem if I didn't mask it under ambiguity first, and then glorify it with metaphors that connect it to a much broader scope of human experience.

There are definitely some pearls in the rough in your Chinese translation, and some of the comments are a bit harsh. :) No one should be belittled for trying. However, after reading the original in English, I would say that an essential difficulty you had is that you were working with poor material to begin with. The English verse is rather terrible - For example, what does "creation, just the sake, recital; fake and yet so right" really mean anyway? Shakespeare or Milton's verse may not all be comprehensible, but that it is because their verses were written in older English. Every word in their poetry has a purpose and a meaning. It is doubly hard for you to translate into a foreign language something that is so ambiguous as to make no sense in your native language. As an aside, many of the Chinese sentences make no sense - like "通简单夏天可触知", "却仍妳中都活去", "但路上金未知，生也" "经线数条沿妳穿妳", "场最终与永长情会," etc. Again, I thought it was a nice effort, but your hands were tied with the English doggerel you had to work with. Perhaps it might be helpful to start with a simpler poem? Nonetheless, have fun and don't let the criticisms discourage you.