Red= Incorrect
Green = Correction
Blue = Added words

Introduction

Hello,my name is Yun o Choi. (Make sure you write names with captial letters like this ^^) 
Nice to meet you. 
I am 35 years old. 
I Work for Samsung Company Which in Suwon which is in Suwon.
I have a family of four. I live Suwon which is in korean Korea. (write countries with capital letters too!)
I like to Paly Sports play sports,especially, I enjoy the golf_and I like to listen to music.
Now I am studying Endglish English very hard to speak it better. I believe is will help me to get a_nice job. later


Well done!~You can speak English well! ~ Make sure you don't use capital letters in the middle of a sentence (': 
Study hard!