people can be so romantic....what is love for you???
i was born to make your happy...i was an Angel...i was watching you but it was so hard..Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control....i wanted to be near you..i fell down to the earth near you, i broke my wing...you found and cared me...If I could be any part of you, I’d be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips....i want to be your breath..i want to be your pain...i want to be your happiness...touch to my heart,you can feel how it is beating...touch to my lips, you can feel how they screaming about you...touch to my hand, you can feel how it is warm...
if you feel the breez.....it is me, hugging you...
if you feel the sun"s warmth..it is me, kissing you...
If you feel the raindrops on your cheeks..it is me, crying cos of you.....
if you cant sleep at the night it means you awoke in my dreams...
i am your Angel....with one wing....but i am near you....
your Angel.......
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Corrections · 7
1
people can be so romantic....what is love for you???
i was born to make you happy...i was an Angel...i was watching you but it was so hard..Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control....i wanted you to be near me..i fell down to the earth near you, i broke my wing...you found and cared me...If I could be any part of you, I’d be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips....i want to be your breath..i want to be your pain...i want to be your happiness...touch to my heart,you can feel how it is beating...touch to my lips, you can feel how they are screaming about you...touch to my hand, you can feel how it is warm...
if you feel the breez.....it is me, hugging you...
if you feel the sun"s warmth..it is me, kissing you...
If you feel the raindrops on your cheeks..it is me, crying cos of you.....
if you cant sleep at the night it means you awoke in my dreams...
i am your Angel....with one wing....but i am near you....
your Angel.......
1
people can be so romantic.... what is love for you??? (Note: May I assume that this is a note to the reader here on italki, but not the title of the poem? If so, you may want to supply a title, for example, "i am your angel")
i was born to make your happy.... i was an am your Angel.... i was watching you but it was so hard ... Mmeeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control....
i wanted to be near you ... i fell down to the earth near you, i ... and broke my wing....
you found me and cared for me....
if i could be any part of you, Ii’d be your tears ... to be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips....
i want to be your breath.... i want to be your pain.... i want to be your happiness....
touch to my heart, you can feel how it is beating.... touch to my lips, you can feel how they scream your nameing about you.... touch to my hand, you can feel how it is warm to caress you.... (Note: To add personal significance, you might say why your heart is beating, why your lips are screaming, and why your hand(s) are warm.)
if you feel the breeze ... it is me, hugging you....
if you feel the sun"'s warmth ... it is me, kissing you....
Iif you feel the raindrops on your cheeks ... it is me, crying 'causecos of you....
if you can't sleep at the night it means ... you're awake in my dreams....
i am your Angel ... with one wing ... but and i am near you.... (Note: "and" v. "but" is a matter of meaning and preference -- "and" provides a more positive and self-assured thought on which to end.)
your Angel....... (Note: Not necessary to sign it, as you've just expressed this in the previous sentence.)
Fabulous writing!
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Thank you for all your comments. I really appreciate it....
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One alternative for "touch my heart, you can feel how it is beating.... touch my lips, you can feel how they scream your name.... touch my hand, you can feel how it is warm to caress you...." would be: "touch my heart ... it beats for you.... touch my lips ... they scream your name.... touch my hands ... they burn to be held by you...." (or "they long to be held by you....")
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Привіт @Lenchik. I agree with Ramesh -- this is very touching, powerful, poetic and heartfelt prose. I feel the words, because you bring your thoughts to life using similes or metaphors. I will provide some suggestions, but because this is poetry, you are entitled to use "poetic license" in interpreting correct usage for your expression. The use of (...) ellipses are effective; I would suggest making them parallel (using them consistently). Typically three dots with a space before and after ( ... ) are used within a sentence, while four dots followed by a space (.... ) are used to close a sentence, e.g., "if you feel the breeze ... it is me, hugging you...." The lack of sentence capitalization is also effective. Was this intentional? If so, you might consider capitalizing only the word "Angel." If you're not already a published author, I would suggest that you collect your prose with the intention of publishing it, either online as a blog or in print. Very well done, @Lenchik.Bob
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