Corrections · 9
Can you have a leisured life? (leisure n.; leisured adj.)
The reason why I don't haven't make this title begin begun this title with "Do you want to…" is that we can't live exactly as how we expected to be.
Besides the Australians, I think most of the European people are having have a leisured life. Most of their shops in Europe are closed at about 4-5 p.m. Everyday! I read from in a tourism book tourist guide book/travel book that in the small town called Orvieto in Italy I read from a tourism book, not only do shops close close their shops at about 5p.m., but the staff also have a lunch break from 1-4p.m. That is kind of crazy to a Chinese person like me who once complained about the public transportation—in Zhuhai buses stop running after half past seven at night in Zhuhai (I am from the city called Guangzhou which where you can take a bus even at 3 o’clock in the morning! ). Well, are you start to think about suggesting the buses driver there to sue their boss? Are you thinking of suggesting the bus drivers there sue their boss? Lol (I would encourage you not to use "words" like "lol" etc. Such expressions are a detriment to the quality of your writing)
The first reason of that (of what?) is the natural resources in Australia are abundant, so as the historic sites in Italy.* The large population in China weakens any the advantage our country might have has in these aspects parts. Just like the most hard-working people in Italy – the thieves (except the designers), having a life that is lack of quality always be the “keep ringing alarm” pushing you to work. (I don't understand this sentence. If you could explain I will gladly try to correct)
The major reason (again, of what? Clarity is the key) I think actually is actually the way people think, meaning (their own values in life to live by). Maybe, at the very first beginning, all you they want to get is a cup of coffee. But when you are drinking one in McCafé, you start to stare at the ones in the Starbucks on at the corner of the street. And the day you are able to have one there, the thought of buying coffee made from “the most important poo” (not incorrect, but I'm not so sure about the use of "important"...) from a cat in Indonesia who may actually wants only to eat some fish but is keep being feed of cacao beans in Indonesia comes to your mind.
For In the sixty-three years (since the PRC was established), the government has leading us in to contributeing to the nation and making China stronger, so that we can keep away from the avoid war and be respected by the world like the way we were in the Tang dynasty (my own opinion). The competition of being success Competivity among people for success is has started again—parents even love to compare their own children’s grades with the children/those of their neighbours and colleagues like the peacocks compare their tails. :P
I am not judging of these things (what things? Clarity) (but the except for the parents one about parents, where I am judging, yes! Haha). In fact, I think I am going to be one of them (one of what? Clarity) – to by achievinge the success in my career. But I hope I will still have the "mind" then like I have now, and letting myself to see and be moved by the beautiful things in the world.
Thanks for reading. Have a nice day!
* (This sentence is unclear. If you mean the reason behind the leisured life of Australians and Italians is natural resources and historic sites respectively, say that. I would encourage you to also explain this thinking, so as to give weight to your arguments.)
Amendments:
Additions
Additions to make the piece "flow" better or sound more "natural"
xyz Corrections of word misuse or misplacement
Punctuation and style edit
Unclear expression or content (see notes in grey)
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Although my correction is very thorough, please do not consider me too harsh or severe. I see a lot of potential in your writing, so I did not want to give only a rudimentary correction of punctuation, spelling and grammar but also help you with your style and voice. Overall I feel like you have some good points but you do not make them clearly enough. I do urge you to explain your views in your writing because I sense you have some interesting things to say but I struggle to understand how your thoughts connect in this piece. Feel free to discuss my corrections in the article comment box or send me a message.
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