Hungry

I was feeling (kind of) hungry when I finished work this afternoon, but I couldn't decide what to eat. I suddenly remembered that there is a street lined with many different kinds of regional snakes snack stalls, just on my way home. I headed directly over there. It was crowded there at that time, since almost all people everybody had (just) finished work. I eventually found a place to sit down finally. I ordered a couple of spicy crayfish on a stick and something else. They are were really delicious. Great!

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Notes:

kind of: this is slang, so it's fine in spoken English but is usually best avoided in written English

delicious: a food is either delicious or it's not, so putting "really" or "very" before it is incorrect.

Hungry

I was feeling kind of hungry when I finished work this afternoon, but I couldn't decide what to eat. I suddenly remembered that there is a street lined with many different kinds of regional snakes, just on my way home. I headed directly over there. It was crowded there at that time, since almost all people finished work. I found a place to sit down finally. I ordered a couple of spicy crayfish on a stick and something else. They are really delicious. Great!

Hi Ms Apple so you have a hungry name.

To make your expression perfect, do watch the tense, try your best to keep it the same.

>>  I suddenly remembered that there is a street << Should be there WAS here.
>>  They are really delicious. <<  They were.

Hungry

I was feeling kind of hungry when I finished work this afternoon, but I couldn't decide what to eat. I suddenly remembered that there is a street lined with many different kinds of regional snakes, just on my way home. I headed directly over there. It was crowded there at that time, since almost all people finished work. I found a place to sit down finally. I ordered a couple of spicy crayfish on a stick and something else. They are really delicious. Great!
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I was feeling kind of hungry when I finished work this afternoon, but I couldn't decide what to eat.  Suddenly I remembered that there is a street lined with different kinds of regional snack shops, just on the way home.  I headed directly over there.  It was crowded there at that time, since almost all of the people had finished work.  I found a place to sit down finally, I ordered a couple of spicy crayfish on a stick and something else.  They were really delicious.  Great!
*************

You have good English!  Check out the grammar of "almost all"  because you need "of".  I changed " I remembered suddenly" to "suddenly I remembered" because it's easier and Americans are lazy speakers, the tongue is lazy.  Overall you are very good.  Continue the progress!

It seems we need some people to correct the corrections that some of our friends submit.
1.Very delicious is wrong. Really/absolutely/so delicious is correct.
2. Finally and eventually are equally correct. "A food", however, is not good English.

 

Hungry

I was feeling kind of hungry when I finished work this afternoon,   but I couldn't decide what to eat.  Suddenly I remembered that there is a street lined with many different kinds of regional snake shops, just on my way home.   I headed directly over there.   It was crowded there at that time, since almost all of the people had finished work.   I found a place to sit down finally.   I ordered a couple of spicy crayfish on a stick and something else.   They were really delicious.   Great!