Destiny

In my mind, I have a curious commitment to destiny. Most people, however, say that all success obviously depends on hard work. It is known that with 99 percent effort and 1 percent opportunity, human beings are bound to gain a satisfied harvest. But in my opinion, I think all the conscequences, to some sence, belong to our own destiny. Guided by this thought, we can see a number of things in different aspects. For example, I beleive that most people, especially those who are older, will feel that all the things which had passed through over the years are out of one's control. God is kind and generous enough to plan for beings. What we should do is take our own life, and face the music in a peaceful mood. I have a devotion to the words from an ancient man of China, Fanzhongyan, that it is appropriate but difficult for men to act in such mood that we feel no happiness for what we have achieved, nor any sadness for what we have missed. We owe a lot to the happy world for always worrying about disgusting troubles. It is time for us to be engaged in new views on our own life. That is to say, that God give us this destiny, and we should take it naturally and keep on going, for the rest of our life.

In the orange highlighted section, I'm not exactly sure what you were trying to say there so it's hard to correct. But it seems gramatically correct. Also, the space always goes after the comma, never before it. Other than that, good job!