Something In My Mind But Don't Know How To Express It Exactly In English

It's been a while and i don't write a diary here, i think it's quite tough for me to write a diary to show how i feel about my life in English, exactly. But this time i am trying. It's been raining for seven days here, and it started to rain since the Dragon Festival, so you know how sad it is. In these rainy days, i went go nowhere, just stayed at school and online, i don't think it's not bad for me to stay at school, but what annoys me most are is i didn't do anything about my studying in these days and each time it's myself to ruin never stick to my own studying plan!! I really hate myself sometimes! i think, i long to be a remarkable person,i don't want to live without any purpose, i want to make everyday counts. I hate these people who desire to realize achieve their dreams without any action , it's these are daydreams eventually in actuality. Every time when i have a call with my parents, their words always remind me of that i should make the efforts to I should be making to satisfy their wishes for me. However, i feel guilty coz i don't...when i get older i will be stronger!