DIARY 18•6•12 My aunt has been fighting with cancer for several year. Sadly, the cancer cells keep spreading to other organs. Her situation dose not seem optimistic at all. Recently, she is trying the Budwig Diet which eats certain portion of cottage cheese mixing with linseed oil. Some say it helps for gaining health back by beating up the cancer cells. It hurts to see an animated, talkative and out-going person to be devastated by cancer and turned to be somebody can do nothing but lie on the dying bed. To grasp at any chance of a cure or to let it happen without too much pain? That is a tough call! I massage her in order to ignite her bones. I pray on my knees for her getting better. Why things just can not go propitiously and make everybody happy? I don't want to say goodbye to her. Somehow I got some crazy thoughts like i wish she is a Christian and has eternity but I am not a Christian. I wish I have the yin yeung eye so that I would be able to communicate with her no matter she is alive or dead. These strange ideas keeps popping up in my mind. In a nutshell, I do not want to say goodbye and there is never a right to to say goodbye.