Prease revise my Entry sheet　as soon as possible　(＞＜)　　

Thank you so much for attention my note.
I must send Entry sheet to a firm by day after tomorrow><
So, please revise this if you can.
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Q: Please select the word which expresses yourself most and also write the reason you select it.

Answer
"Storm"
My name is Hiroki Igarashi and my sir name surname can be translated to "fifty storm" in English. Which is the reason why I chose "storm" as the word which expresses myself but there is another reason for that. The reason is that I can involve other people in different kinds of events as if the storm does. I am very active and likely to influence my friends or surrounding people and lead them to the objective. From the reason above, I chose "storm" as the word which expresses myself.

you know what? i think it sounds a little repetitive, so i will rewrite it all xD

My name is Hiroki Igarashi and my sir name surname can be translated to "fifty storm" in English. Because of that, I think "storm", suits me as a word to express myself.  However, there is another reason for that. The reason is that I feel I can carry people into several kinds of events, just as a storm does. I am very active and likely to influence my friends or people surrounding me. Thus, leading them to an objective. So, that's why I find the word "storm" as the best to express myself.