I need help: Letter to a University *new*

Dear Sir or Madam,

You would like to introduce myself to explain my momentary situation.
My name is XXX, 21 years old & German citizen, but now I live in the US and study English to improve my skills in English .

I'm very interested in studying at your University, because my friend already studies at this University, he told me about it and I ( got into/was excited about) the school system and also the program. Also it is close to Germany, so I can visit my family, and I can use my English ability.

I would like to know more about the application for your University, I already registered at www.xxxxx.com.
However, I would be able to send the application in September , but I'm not sure that I will be ready to send the (result/ conclusion of the Toefl test) until the deadline, because I don't feel comfortable to pass the test.
Could you please tell me more about the Toefl test confirmation, whether it would be possible to hand it in later ( at the latest in December).

I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,
XXX

I need help: Letter to a University *new*

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to introduce myself to explain my momentary situation.
My name is XXX. I am 21 years old and a German citizin citizen, but now I live in the U.S. and study English to improve my English language skills.

I'm very interested in studying at your University university because my friend already studies in this University, he told me about it and I ( got into/ was excited about) the school system and also the program (suggestion: because my friend who studies there recommended the program to me. It got me excited about/interested in the university). Also it is It is also close to Germany, so I can visit my family, and I can use my English ability.

I would like to know more about the application for your UniversityUniversity university. I already registered at www.xxxxx.com. 

However, I would be able to send the application till September , but I'm not sure that I will be ready to send the (result/ conclusion of the Toefl test) till the deadline, because I don't feel comfortable the pass the test. Suggestion: I would be able to send the application by September, but I'm not sure if I will be ready to submit the TOEFL test results until the deadline because I need to make sure that I pass the test.
Could you please tell me more about the Toefl TOEFL test confirmation and whether it would be possible to hand it in submit it later (at the latest in December in December, the latest)? 

I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,
XXX

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Good work!

To whom it may concern, 

I would like to introduce myself and to explain my momentary current situation. My name is XXX, I am twenty-one years old, and I am a German citizen. but now I live in the U.S. and study English to improve my English skills.

I'm very interested in studying at your university. because My friend already studies in this University at your school and he told me about it and I ( got into/ was excited about) which piqued my interest in the school system and also the program. I think your university is a good choice for me because Also it is close to Germany, so I can visit my family, and speak English I can use my English ability.

I would like to know more about the application. for your University, I already registered at www.xxxxx.com; however, I would be able to send the application till September , but I'm not sure that I will be ready to send the (result/ conclusion of the Toefl test) till the deadline, I'm not sure if I will have my TOEFL results in time for the application deadline in September because I don't yet think I can pass feel comfortable the pass the test. Could you please tell me I would like to know more about the Toefl test confirmation, whether if it would be possible to hand it in later -- in December at the latest.

Thank you. I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,
XXX

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Here is the letter without all of the strike-throughs and color:

To whom it may concern, 

I would like to introduce myself and explain my current situation.  My name is XXX, I am twenty-one years old, and I am a German citizen.  I live in the U.S. and study English.

I'm very interested in studying at your university. My friend studies at your school and he told me about it which piqued my interest in the program.  I think your university is a good choice for me because it is close to Germany, so I can visit my family and speak English.

I would like to know more about the application. I already registered at www.xxx.com; however, I'm not sure if I will have my TOEFL results in time for the application deadline in September because I don't yet think I can pass. I would like to know if it would be possible to hand it in later -- in December at the latest.

Thank you. I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

XXX XXX

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I figured you just wanted someone to edit the letter. If you'd like an explanation of my corrections, don't hesitate to ask! :)