The days are long and filled with pain
the days are long and filled with pain
we'll throw our lives away again
i've never seen in my whole life
my worst friend's sugar baby wife
now my life is gone
won't you try to hold me tight?
'cause you'll be me and i'll be out
what will i find inside my head?
the sun is gone
but there's still light down inside my mind
there's still a lot for us to see in this life
today you slipped into my head
i'm waiting for you inside my bed
there ain't no sense in feeling low
i need more when you ever have to go
some might say that i walked through that door
all my dreams are made of stupid whores
some might say that i fell from the sky
but i have got a pillow in my eye
the days are long and filled with pain
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Corrections · 3
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The days are long and filled with pain
the days are long and filled with pain
we'll throw our lives away again
i've never seen in my whole life
my worst friend's sugar baby wife
now my life is gone
won't you try to hold me tight?
'cause you'll be me and i'll be out
what will i find inside my head?
the sun is gone
but there's still light down inside my mind
there's still a lot for us to see in this life
today you slipped into my head
i'm waiting for you inside my bed
there ain't no sense in feeling low
i need more when you ever have to go
some might say that i walked through that door
all my dreams are made of stupid whores
some might say that i fell from the sky
but i have got a pillow in my eye
the days are long and filled with pain
Gemini: Beautiful Poem I could follow thour thought quite well.
The only change I can recomment is that you follow custom and capitalize the "I"; that is, unless it was your intention to show by small case, a low self-esteem.
Powerful message. Is it your very own? Let me know. I am going to copy it for saving.
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Gemini,
This is interesting; but, there are sections I can not follow. There is a great deal of latitude in poetry; and, punctuation and sentence structure tend to be optional. I really don't know exactly what you are trying to express; but, I made a few changes to make the cadence of this passage sound better to my ear.
the sun is gone from thine
but light still shines within my mind
in life there is so much to be
there's still a lot for us to see
today you slipped into my head
I'm waiting for you in my bed
there ain't no sense in feeling low
I'll need more when you have to go
I don't understand how this fits:
i've never seen in my whole life
my worst friend's sugar baby wife
and how it leads to "now my life is gone"
All in all; extremely well done. Thank you.
0
a typical gemini piece of writing. bravo. :)
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