Roses
My first roses brought me to my senses.
All my furies, I launched them like paper boats
in the algaed pond behind my house.
First they were pale, then peach and blood red.
You could be merciless trimming them back.
You could be merciless and I needed that.
Emerald green with crimson tips,
these were no crowns of thorns.
They would not portend nor intimate.
But if you fed them they’d branch out:
two generations in a single summer.
One had a scent of fruit & violet, the other
blazed up, a flotilla of lips on the lawn
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Corrections · 3
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It is poetry. It's not supposed to make sense. It's supposed to give you a feeling by conjuring up images. And, in this regard the poem is successful. It gives me the feeling of passion and wildness.
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Roses (try)
My first roses brought me to my senses. The first bloom of my roses awakens me.
All my furies, I launched them like paper boats
They sweep away my worries like paper boats floating away on the
[Not sure of your contextual meaning.]
in the algaed pond behind my house.
First [describe the growth stage...may be at first bloom?] they were pale, then peach and blood red.
You could be merciless trimming them back. It can be merciless trimming them [back is immplied]
Need to leave for a student...so I will stop here.
You could be merciless and I needed that.
Emerald green with crimson tips,
these were no crowns of thorns.
They would not portend nor intimate.
But if you fed them they’d branch out:
two generations in a single summer.
One had a scent of fruit & violet, the other
blazed up, a flotilla of lips on the lawn
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Some sentences do not make apparent sense, especially in the context of the other sentences.
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