Who Let the Dog Out?

This is the song with which our teacher usually starts our hard -shoes tap-dance class.es with. If you only knew how much fun it gives us! It gives you creates a wonderful mood, even if we've already had five hours of hard training! before.
Frankly speaking, I'm not very good in at tap dancing. Unfortunately, I'm not even as good as I'd want like to be!
What is worse, I feel that I'm tired!  Not because of all this the trainings themselves, no. I'm tired, because I'm have not making progress. Of course, I cannot can't just give up dancing. Too much power is losed energy has already been exerted and too much time is spend spent so far just to get to where I am today. for this learning. I have to go further... I will go further.
These past few days I have missed some of my trainings. I missed them because of my weakness... because of this stupid depression. "If you want to, you can! "  I remember this, yes, but I still need to share my feelings. To So I allow myself to fall into depression as a way to reflect on to share my feelings and worries... and then I make myself get up and come forvard.  I will go tomorrow, but today I'll have my last "depression day ".  I want to cry, or perhaps to brake something.  I want to scream out loud.
I do not do this, however, for just one reason: I have no right to do this.  My teachers believe that I can dance and my friends believe I can dance.  It That means that I have to dance as great as I can.  I remember this song, "Who Let the Dog Out?", and smile.  And I smile even when I'm feeling blue... like today.

Dancing is a difficult work. It's difficult for the body, but it is and even more difficult for the soul... especialy if when something goes wrong.  In addition, I'm always afraid that I don't do everything I can do. I'm not doing as much as I could do. Three hours a day... five hours a day... it isn't never seems enough.  I don't understand how another other people can manage to live with it.that.

I wish I had somene who could understand me. all this.

P.S. Of course I understand, realize that there are a lot of much many more horrible things in this life. Someone dies every day, someone looses relatives, someone brakes his legs or arms. I understand realize also that I have to should be happy because of my health, because of my opportunities for study, because of opportunity my ability to dance, and because I have such wonderful friends. after all. I'm And I am really happy about all this these things... and I'm grateful for them as well.  But at the same moment time, I'm feeling something like a dark icy abyss full of ice in lurking at the bottom of my soul. I cannot explain how my soul can I can contain such complitely different contradictory feelings within myself at the same moment time... but it can. that is my reality.

Sometimes, I just wish I could live without feelings... especially if after I've failed miserably, or again spoiled something. For God's sake, when will I stop making all those stupid mistakes during performances?!!!!

Who let the dog out?.....