my teacher asked me to write a paper of ilets,who can help me to correct it?Thanks.
Topic: university should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To extend do you agree and disagree.
When it refers the heated debates that whether university should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject or not, many people hold diversity opinions. Therefore, I will show some reasons in following essay to illustrate my owe viewpoints.
On the one hand, I want to discuss two reasons to support the argument that the university should accept the equal numbers of male and female. Because it can be balance the proportion in many subject, such as the electronic, artist, mechanics and so on. Moreover, I think it is also good for the personnel market. And then, there are so many different ideals between male and female, friction between the diversity visions can create amazing spark. Another reason is that the research displays it is a scientific way to make woman and man work together.
On the other hand, I think there is also a reason of argument against that is some subject not suitable for each other. For example, some subject of sports such as weight putting. It is not suit for female, because there are difference of body between male and female.
In conclusion, I think it is a good improve of university is that accept equal numbers of male and female in each subject. Because every student has the equal right to choose the subject in which they are interested. And the same time, students will be inspire their all passion in this subject, so I strongly agree with this topic.
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Corrections · 3
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My teacher asked me to write a paper for IELTS,who can help me to correct it?Thanks.
Topic: Universities should accept an equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To extend do you agree and disagree ?
When it refers the heated debates that Whether or not a university should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject is heavily debated.or not, Many people hold diversity different opinions. Therefore, I will show discuss some(various) reasons in the following essay to illustrate my own viewpoints.
On the one hand, I want to discuss two reasons to support the argument that the university should accept the equal numbers of males and females. Because it can be balance the proportion ratio of male and female students in many subjects, such as the electronics, arts, mechanics engineering and so on. Moreover, I think it is also good for the personnel(?) market. And then Also, there are so many different ideals between males and females, friction(friendly competition) between the diversity visions can create amazing spark sexes may be the key to ingenuity. Another reason is that the research displays has shown that it is a scientifically way beneficial to make woman and man work together.
*不清楚什么是 "personnel market". 那整句其实是多余的。
*句子的开头不可以用 'And'
*你说要讨论两个原因，但你写了四个.
*Friction 是比较有损害的含意。似乎要打架。哈哈
On the other hand, I think there is also a are reasons of argument against having an equal ratio of males and females in every subject. that is some subject not suitable for each other. For example, some subject of Certain sports such as weight putting that require more muscular strength It is are not suitable for females. Because there are differences of body between the male and female body.
In conclusion, I think it is a good improvement of for universities is that to accept equal numbers of males and females in each subject. Because every student has the equal right to choose the subject in which they are interested in. And At the same time, students will be inspired their all and have passion in this for their subjects. so Therefore I strongly agree with this topic.
不错。只是有些句子表达的不太好，意思还是能够理解。
其实写IELTS文章是有技巧的。
如果需要你写论文，不要管自己是怎么想的。一定要说是见仁见智！缺点和有点都写下。到了最后你可以写你同意哪方面，双方都不同意也行。 只要改你文章的老师看到你评论了优点和缺点，不只顾说一方面就行了。
加油！
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I just realized you are not Korean. Hahaha sorry about that.
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Topic: university should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To extend do you agree and disagree.
Many people hold diverse opinions about whether a university should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, I will show some reasons in following essay to illustrate my owe viewpoints. [You should insert a thesis here, a thesis is a summary of your reasons. I’m not really sure what your professor or teacher expects from you]
I want to discuss two reasons to support the argument that a university should accept equal numbers of male and female. It will balance the proportion in many subjects, such as the electronic, artist, mechanics, and so on. Moreover, I think it is also good for the personnel market. Also, there are many different ideals between males and females; friction between diverse visions can create an amazing spark. Another reason is that research displays it is a scientific way to make woman and man work together [Not sure what you’re trying to say in this last sentence. Tell me in Korean and I’ll give you a translation].
Some people may argue that some subjects are not suitable for each other. Subjects such as sports or weight putting [weight lifting?] are good examples. It is not suitable for females because there are physical differences between males and females.
In conclusion, I think it is a good improvement of a university to accept equal numbers of male and female in each subject because every student will have the equal right to choose the subject in which they are interested in. Also, students will be inspired by their passion in this subject [not sure what this means], so I strongly agree with this topic.
I rewrote some of the essay for you. I was confused on some parts of the essay, so you should tell me in Korean what you meant. I fixed most of the grammar, but I may have missed 1-2 things. Good luck!!
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