IELTS Essay - need assistance, please :)

It is widely believed that universities should guarantee that their graduates will have the necessary knowledge and skills, which they will need in their future jobs. Another opinion is that people should go to universities, because of their desire to study, regardless of whether their speciality may be not helpful for their work. My personal view is that people should attend those kinds of courses, which are valuable for their workplace.

First of all, when someone chooses what kind of course they are going to apply for, they already have the idea in their minds that the knowledge learnt in the course is going to be needed in their future profession. Moreover, I think it is very important, that this course will be the same as matches with the desired job-wanted in the future. Therefore, if ones wants to become a journalist and he enters an architecture course, for instance, this course is not going to help that person in learning the tricks and secrets of the journalism. Thus the main advantage of studying and after that subsequently working in the same field is that you will possess more knowledge for some exact in a certain sphere, and your climb up the career ladder would be much more successful.

In the first sentence, I tried to change it to gender-neutral. We don't have a proper pronoun for this, so the common solution is to use the plural form, in spite of the fact you mean a single person.

You mixed analogies in the last sentence (road + through + ladder?) - the result was that you sounded comical and nonsensical. Keep the analogies clear and simple (climb up a ladder).

But In spite of of this fact, there is a different side of the coin. (Mixed analogy again: the 'other side' of a picture is blank, with a hook in it. However, a coin has two sides.) Some people prefer to go to university, because for the sake of the studying itself. Furthermore, they enjoy to learning new things, because they think that if you are well-educated and have many degrees, this may open many doors for you that would not otherwise be opened. Nowadays this may be considered as a good achievement, because not so many people are familiar with a number of aspects and varieties of topics. 

In conclusion, I would like to say that regardless of whether you are studying for your own interest, or because this will help you in your future career, it is very important to be well-educated if you want to be a complete and proud of yourself self-respecting human being, especially in the decade we live in.

Good work, but I do agree with Larry: pay attention to your punctuation, especially the space after a full stop, as well as commas after prepositional phrases (ie. First of all, Moreover, Therefore, In conclusion, etc).