Can you correct this cover letter for me Please Dear Cover letter for application to join the PhD programme at Istanbul Aydin University. I am writing to you to showcase my interest in continuing

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Can you correct this cover letter for me Please Dear Cover letter for application to join the PhD programme at Istanbul Aydin University. I am writing to you to showcase my interest in continuing my academic study through the PhD programme in Business Management at Istanbul Aydin University. I studied at ESC Business School in Algeria. My Master’s degree was in Corporate Finance, I had the chance to be in Business School where I got varied knowledge about management, marketing, Finance and leadership. During this time I’ve developed a strong interest in entrepreneurship. I’ve been able to put my theoretical knowledge into practice even as a student when I launched my first startup called YallaCours, it was a website for learning languages online. I was so passionate about this business but my lack of experience and the Algerian delay in adopting online payment system has affected my startup so I closed it. My desire to discover new experiences brought me here to Turkey. I worked for 4 months in the marketing department of a Turkish company, I had a good experience but my passion about leadership led me to quit my job and start my online business through my Youtube Channel where I share tips and knowledge about entrepreneurship and business. Today I have more than 43k subscribers in my channel, I believe that it is a big responsibility and a good opportunity to develop my online business. I wish to continue my academic career by completing my doctorate, which has always been a long-term ambition of mine. I plan to do research in the field of online business and I cannot imagine a better place to study this than Istanbul Aydin University. With my knowledge of the topic of small business and my own experience with online business, I am confident that I can complete the research project which I have proposed to a high standard. After completing the PhD, I plan to work as an consultant for online business, or to teach this topic at the university. I am an ambitious person. I work hard to achieve my goals and have unique experiences. I believe that with my knowledge and experience in this important field, I can contribute to both the Istanbul Aydin University and to the wider discipline of entrepreneurship. I would like to draw your attention back to my CV which is enclosed with this letter, which will demonstrate my professional and academic history. I look forward to hearing from you.

Corrections · 4

The yellow markings show my first corrections. I've added a couple more points, marked with a kind-of orange colour.

Can you correct this cover letter for me Please

Dear

Cover letter for application to join the PhD programme at Istanbul Aydin University.

I am writing to you to showcase my interest in continuing my academic study through the PhD programme in Business Management at Istanbul Aydin University.

I studied at ESC Business School in Algeria. My Master’s degree was in Corporate Finance, I had the chance to be in Business School where I gained varied knowledge about management, marketing, finance and leadership. During this time I developed a strong interest in entrepreneurship. I’ve been able to put my theoretical knowledge into practice even as a student when I launched my first startup called YallaCours. This was a website for learning languages online. I was so passionate about this business, but my lack of experience and the Algerian delay in adopting online payment systems affected my startup, so I closed it.

"Got" is not wrong, but "gained" is a little more formal. I suggest simple past for "I gained "[ sorry, I wrote this too quickly]. A new sentence for "This was" also seems better to me. I have also suggested a couple of possible changes in your use of commas: these are strictly trivial.

Probably better to keep the capital letters for subjects consistent.

My desire to discover new experiences brought me here to Turkey. I worked for 4 months in the marketing department of a Turkish company. I had a good experience but my passion for leadership led me to quit my job and start my online business through my Youtube Channel, where I share tips and knowledge about entrepreneurship and business. Today I have more than 43k subscribers in my channel. I believe that it is a big responsibility and a good opportunity to develop my online business.

Better a new sentence for "I had". Passion "for" leadership is a minor improvement. Agan I think the new sentence for "I believe" is better. It may be worth reminding yourself about "run-on sentences" Subscribers "in" my channel? I'm not sure. Perhaps "to"? This is also not important.

I wish to continue my academic career by completing my doctorate, which has always been a long-term ambition of mine. I plan to do research in the field of online business and I cannot imagine a better place to study this than Istanbul Aydin University. With my knowledge of the topic of small business and my own experience with online business, I am confident that I can complete the research project which I have proposed to a high standard.

After completing the PhD, I plan to work as an consultant for online business, or to teach this topic at the university. I am an ambitious person. I work hard to achieve my goals and have unique experiences. I believe that, with my knowledge and experience in this important field, I can contribute to both the Istanbul Aydin University and to the wider discipline of entrepreneurship.

Arguably you might add a comma after that: but there is an argument for leaving it as it is.

I would like to draw your attention back to my CV, which is enclosed with this letter. This will demonstrate my professional and academic history.

I think this punctuation is a very minor improvement.

I look forward to hearing from you.

This is very well written and almost without mistakes. I hope these few minor suggestions help. With best wishes and good luck with your application.

Hi, I have two comments that may help you. 1- you should make a sound argument why you need to do this at “istanbul aydin university” but not somewhere else 2- add a small section about “what their phd program and students there will loose if you will not be there”. This will raise your change for sure. Good luck :)

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