toefl independent essay, day 8
Could you please correct my essay?
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Human activity is making the earth a worse place to live.
Essay
It is critically important that mankind activity has an impact on every singe life on Earth and people must avoid any destructions of ecosystems. Personally, I believe that the opposite side of technological progress is a deterioration of life conditions for animals and plants. I will explore the reasons for this in the following essay.
To begin with, the water pollution, caused by industrial waste, led to a distinction of number of animals. Every year tons of poison water that was poured out from factories kill marine mammalians and invertebrates. For instance, five years ago an oil station in the Pacific Ocean was destroyed by occasion and tons of oil pour out in the ocean, so the thin layer on water surface had been separated fish from the air until this substance was finally removed. The result of this catastrophe was terrifying. Seagulls and cormorants had wet their wings in a sticky liquid, so they could not fly away and sank. Fishes died out because of absence of oxygen. Nevertheless, the government was worried only about the scarcity of oil for cars and factories. If only the mankind had been more attentive and careful to the environment, the Earth would have been better place to live for all of us. This example illustrates how an occasional accident have led to the death of thousands of animals.
Secondly, heavy metal gases from cars and factories cause thinning of the ozone layer. Also, the air pollution causes the global warming and increasing of lung’s diseases. Despite this dangerous situation, the main ecological problem remains stable. My own experience is a compelling example of it. Earlier, when my grandparents had been working in the oil producing company, they were breathing factory’s wasting gases every single day. As a result, my grandfather was just diagnosed with a lung cancer. In addition, people are worried a lot about the situation with ice in Norway and Iceland. Melting of ice, caused by the global warming, can increase the water level and flood islands. This example demonstrates how one thing can have an impact on all of the planet.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that human activity made ecology much worse and nowadays Earth became more and more dirty and poisoned. This is because of the wasting unrecyclable fluids in oceans and gases in the atmosphere.
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 2
1
TOEFL independent essay, day 8
Could you please correct my essay?
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Human activity is making the earth a worse place to live.
Essay
It is critically important that the activities of mankind must cease or be controlled/supervised/legislated more forcefully. It has an impact on every singe form of life on Earth and people must avoid any destruction of all ecosystems. Personally, I believe this to be true. of technological progress is a deterioration of life conditions for animals and plants. I will explore my reasons for believing this in the following essay.
To begin with, the water pollution, caused by industrial waste, has led to a destruction of a number of animals. Every year tons/tonnes of poisonous water that was poured out out of factories kills marine mammals and invertebrates. For instance, five years ago, an oil station in the Pacific Ocean was destroyed by occasion corrosion/collision/explosion/terrorism/ industrial accident and tons/tonnes of oil poured out into the ocean, so the thin layer of oil on the water surface separated fish from the air until this substance was finally removed. The result of this catastrophe was terrifying. Seagulls and cormorants had wetted/drenched their wings in a sticky liquid, so they could not fly away and sank. Fishes died out because of the absence of oxygen. Nevertheless, the government was worried only about the scarcity of oil for cars and factories. If only the mankind had been more attentive and careful to the environment, the Earth would have been a better place to live for all of us. This example illustrates how an occasional accident led to the death of thousands of animals and marine life and coastline living creatures.
Secondly, heavy metal gases from cars and factories cause thinning of the ozone layer. Also, the air pollution causes the global warming and the increasing incidents of lung diseases. Despite this dangerous situation, the main ecological problem remains stable. My own experience is a compelling example of it. Earlier, when my grandparents had been working in the oil producing company, they were breathing the factory’s waste gases every single day. As a result, my grandfather was just diagnosed with a lung cancer. In addition, people are worried a lot about the situation with ice in Norway and Iceland. Melting of ice, caused by the global warming of the planet, can increase the water level and flood islands. This example demonstrates how one thing can have an impact on the rest of the planet.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that human activity made ecology much worse and nowadays Earth has become more and more dirty and poisoned. This is because of the polluting by dumping unrecyclable fluids in the oceans and gases in the atmosphere.
That was very good, you lost track a little of where you were and what tense you were speaking, in at the beginning of the essay.
It may look like you made many mistakes, and that what I corrected and changed is wrong. It is not and was not. You just need more practice of when natives say things way one in one circumstance and other way in another circumstance.
Example.
by the global warming of the planet.
by global warming.
[often English speakers will argue and disagree but it is very often just two people with two different preferences]
was just diagnosed with a lung cancer
[Well done nothing wrong with that statement]
Ignore and disregard any corrector that changes it to " was just diagnosed with lung cancer"
There are many types of cancer and you can be diagnosed both with 'lung cancer' and/or 'a lung cancer'
this is the same for cancers or a cancer in any part of the body.
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
